"Pants down and over my lap!" Tom's eyes were dark and determined, with an edge of excitement last night. It's the first time I've seen him really take charge in a punishment. Oh, he's spanked me before. But this was different. His entire demeanor exuded confidence and authority. It was such a turn on even though I was in trouble.
Earlier that day my dad had stopped by while I was trying to get five kiddos out the door for outdoor play. Nothing irritates me more than that man stopping by whenever he wants and barging in like I've got nothing going on. Listening to him talk and sing with "Grandpa's boys" and grill my oldest about how homeschooling is going while I'm clearly trying to get out the door aggravates me to no end. The man doesn't have the slightest clue of the meaning of boundaries. But I've mostly put up with his drop ins as it's usually only once every other week or so. But my agitation has gone to a new level ever since M passed away. My dad is deathly afraid of dogs to the point that he used to open the door to my house, peek his head in, "Rose, I'm here!" just so I could make sure my dog wasn't going to try to greet him when he walked in. If she dared get up the nerve to walk over to him (she was a sweet and timid little girl), his reaction was something akin to "Rose, that thing is coming by me!" M was the most docile dog ever and his reaction was over the top ridiculous. But anyways, that's not my point. After M passed away, he stopped by to see the boys. There was no peeking his head in and calling out. He barged in like he owned the place. He knew. He knew because my mom and everyone else new. He knew she was gone. Not one word. No expression of sorrow or empathy for my grief. It was almost like he was relieved that he didn't have to watch out for "that dog" anymore. That was the last time he stopped by, so when he stopped by yesterday it was the same way. No hesitancy at the door looking for the dog. That combined with my needing to get out the door and him throwing a wrench in my attempts to do so, just sent me over the edge. After he left and I had the kiddos loaded in the stroller ready to go play, I stepped back into our house to grab something and ask Tom to holler outside if the baby woke up. He could tell I was on edge. But when I went to shut the bathroom door on my way out and instead slammed it causing a bunch of our kiddos artwork that was stacked on a shelf attached to that wall to fall off, Tom informed me we'd be talking later.
Later we had an opportunity to discuss the incident a bit and Tom said he'd considered letting me off the hook once he calmed down and thought about it. But then he decided not to because he knows that I really don't want him to let me off the hook. With everything he's been reading in my blogs, he said he didn't want this to be an incident where he didn't step up and discipline. And regardless of how my dad makes me feel, he wants me to be a better person than that. So he informed me that there would be a punishment coming later that night once he was assured that we had privacy.
Yikes! That's the most I think I've seen him step up as HOH and it was a bit frightening, but in a good way. And honestly, it was a real turn on for me. There's something about him when he uses his authority and gives me his stern gaze that melts me.
I got the kiddos to bed early and that's when he issued his command. "Pants down and over my lap!" As for the punishment itself, let me say, he's a natural at lecturing. And I don't know why, but I seemed to need his lecture. It was comforting in a way. I think partly because his voice was calm the entire time. There was no anger. Also the content was soothing. It wasn't about him being mad at me, but wanting better for me. In fact, the whole thing seemed kind of selfless. He wasn't punishing because of his need to beat something out of me, but more out of my need for him to help me be the best version of myself. Perhaps it's only a matter of semantics to some, but for me it's an important difference. The punishment itself was short and sweet. It was over the lap and with his hand. I can tell that he's still afraid to hurt me too much or break me, but he deemed it was enough, so I'm not going to complain. And perhaps he was a bit lenient because he knows how my dad has the ability to set me off like no other human being alive. When he was done, he pulled me onto his lap and held me and hugged me.
"How's that for aftercare?" He asked.
"Perfect." And I cuddled into this amazing man who I feel like I'm getting to see in a whole different light now that we've added DD to our lives.
***From Betsy - What is the biggest change you have seen in Tom since you began DD? What is the biggest change Tom has seen in you?***
The biggest change I've seen in him is his confidence. I think it's changing him, having a wife who trusts him enough to say "I'm done running the show. I trust you to be in charge and I'm going to submit to you." He doesn't take it lightly and it seems that it's bolstered his confidence. It goes with him when he leaves the house and goes to school, work, wherever he goes. He's told me that he feels like he interacts with people a little bit differently. He's more sure of himself and conveys more self-respect that I've seen him do in the past. When it comes to parenting, he's quicker to jump in and tell the kiddos that they are NOT allowed to treat mom the way that they are when they are having a disrespectful moment.
The biggest change he's seen in me he says is the fact that I even chose DD at all. He says it's a complete 180 from who I was and it shocked the hell out of him. I went from "No man will ever be in charge or tell me what to do" to asking him to be in charge. He says he remembers when I was in late junior high and was cofounder of the SAM club with a friend (Sisters Against Marriage). He feels like saying I did a 180 is actually an understatement. He never thought I'd give up control like that. And he's always wanted more of this kind of relationship, but figured that he would never have it. He went into marriage with me knowing that he would never get that dynamic. But he loved me for me and was willing to give that up just so we could be together. WOW - that's something I didn't know! At times he felt like he was being oppressed in the relationship, whereas now things are obviously different. He feels like he's been given this gift all of a sudden and I'm pretty sure that he would never go back in a million years! I wouldn't either!