I apologize for my hiatus. It's been unintentional and unfortunately will continue for a bit. I wanted to write something though so that you know that this isn't a case of blogger dropped off of the face of the earth to never return. My first trimester of pregnancy was exhausting. I've also been much sicker this pregnancy than in previous pregnancies. I feel better and am able to eat now, but due to some other circumstances we don't have internet at our house right nI ow. So keeping up with everyone's blogs and contributing to my own is impossible right now.
So I'm basically here to say that I won't be here...at least until we get this internet kerfuffle solved.
But I am dying here a bit. I need help and support and I feel like I can't do this. I'm not submissive. I'm not respectful. I say the wrong things. I use the wrong tone of voice. I'm grumpy and needy and emotional. I've even had to ask myself the question - is this me? Am I someone who's meant to be in this kind of relationship and take on this kind of role? I have no clear message from the heavens on this one. There's been no light bulb moment of complete and absolute self-awareness. I feel miles from where everyone else in this community is in regards to having a DD relationship as the TIH partner.
I feel like my HOH is always mad at me. I'm never sorry enough or kind enough or respectful enough. He doesn't discipline. He just yells and I yell and together we yell and our oldest kiddo is sick of the yelling I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I can stomach one more marital conversation where we talk about how the yelling needs to stop and we just need to follow through with DD and how he doesn't lead because I'm just not letting him lead and I'm not letting him lead because I don't trust him enough.
I feel like we're ramming ourselves repeatedly into the same damn brick wall day after day after day.
To add to all of that, I'm still working 60 hours a week with other people's children in my home all the time. Our transition out of my business is not happening as quickly or as smoothly as I'd like. So to be honest I am angry and grumpy and tired a lot. I want to be done with my job and I want to be done three months ago. Financially everything is a mess.
When we first started DD Captain wanted me more. He touched me and was affectionate and of course there were some hot and heavy moments also. I feel like that has all died off completely to the point that I wonder if I hold any attraction for him at all. I feel like I could do a naked pole dance and he wouldn't feel inclined to put down his ipad.
I guess this is NOT a flowery post that will make someone considering DD want to take the leap. But this is not a fantasy either. It's our real life with our real world problems and trying to learn DD amidst all of this mess has not been easy. We've been at this for roughly a year now and I feel like we've gotten nowhere. It's really pretty discouraging and I feel very disheartened and concerned for if this will ever pan out for us.
So I'm basically here to say that I won't be here...at least until we get this internet kerfuffle solved.
But I am dying here a bit. I need help and support and I feel like I can't do this. I'm not submissive. I'm not respectful. I say the wrong things. I use the wrong tone of voice. I'm grumpy and needy and emotional. I've even had to ask myself the question - is this me? Am I someone who's meant to be in this kind of relationship and take on this kind of role? I have no clear message from the heavens on this one. There's been no light bulb moment of complete and absolute self-awareness. I feel miles from where everyone else in this community is in regards to having a DD relationship as the TIH partner.
I feel like my HOH is always mad at me. I'm never sorry enough or kind enough or respectful enough. He doesn't discipline. He just yells and I yell and together we yell and our oldest kiddo is sick of the yelling I'm pretty sure.
I don't think I can stomach one more marital conversation where we talk about how the yelling needs to stop and we just need to follow through with DD and how he doesn't lead because I'm just not letting him lead and I'm not letting him lead because I don't trust him enough.
I feel like we're ramming ourselves repeatedly into the same damn brick wall day after day after day.
To add to all of that, I'm still working 60 hours a week with other people's children in my home all the time. Our transition out of my business is not happening as quickly or as smoothly as I'd like. So to be honest I am angry and grumpy and tired a lot. I want to be done with my job and I want to be done three months ago. Financially everything is a mess.
When we first started DD Captain wanted me more. He touched me and was affectionate and of course there were some hot and heavy moments also. I feel like that has all died off completely to the point that I wonder if I hold any attraction for him at all. I feel like I could do a naked pole dance and he wouldn't feel inclined to put down his ipad.
I guess this is NOT a flowery post that will make someone considering DD want to take the leap. But this is not a fantasy either. It's our real life with our real world problems and trying to learn DD amidst all of this mess has not been easy. We've been at this for roughly a year now and I feel like we've gotten nowhere. It's really pretty discouraging and I feel very disheartened and concerned for if this will ever pan out for us.
DD is not for everybody and every family/situation is different. You cannot compare where you are to anyone else because there isn't anyone in your relationship but you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you are pregnant and hormonal is also in the mix. Obviously, you have a day care in your home which is extremely stressful under any circumstances. I think the fact that you are still functioning at all is commendable. Tell your husband you are drowning and need help. It may be that you need to put DD or whatever you want to call it on hold until things calm down.
You have to tell your husband how you feel and that you need his loving touch, understanding and his support.
My heart goes out to you and I pray for strength to get you through this crisis. I'm sure others will offer support but you have to make the decision that is right for you.
Thank you for visiting and for your support. I have no idea how I feel about DD right now. I think pregnancy, hormones, and daycare are a big part of what's going on with me right now! I don't feel like I'm getting much help and I feel a lot of resentment building up...not sure what to do about that. I am hoping that he will begin to understand how overwhelmed I am at some point. Thank you so much for "listening."
DeleteThanks for posting and letting us know how you're doing, even if it's not all sunshine and roses. I'm so impressed that you're handling all that you are. You have a ton of your plate but the good news is that it won't go on forever. I was such a cranky pregnant person and I hurt all the time so I cannot imagine doing dd at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had great advice for you. We're not sure about dd/D/s and whether it's right for us either. Would it help to say "what do we need to do to make it through this week?" and try to give yourself time on what your long-term solution will be?
The other thing I can say is that, regardless of your dynamic, the more you tell your husband what you appeciate about him, the better you will be.
Whatever you are going through or feeling or if you're in the dumps, please do let people know.
Thank you so much for visiting and for your kind words! I definitely am pretty cranky while pregnant. To be honest, I'm not sure if it's pregnancy or my business that is making me crankier right now. I do need to focus on the moment - getting through this week versus worrying about long term right now. I could be a lot better at expressing appreciation. I don't feel appreciative right now at all. If anything, I feel underappreciated, which makes me not want to appreciate anything my husband does right now...which is obviously not helpful. :/ Thank you so much for stopping by and sending some kindness my way.
DeleteOh Rose, I feel for you. I think Sunny and Leah have some wonderful comments. Last night I was at a girlfriend's house for dinner. Her daughter is pregnant (end of her first trimester) and a nurse. She was 'humouring' us with her how cranky, bitchy she has been at work. How she wants to loose it on her patients. How she finds her fiance so utterly annoying at times. Of course she was laughing even at herself, because it is all new, and fresh, and she is still in the PRE-honeymoon stage as they were planning their wedding when she found out she was pregnant. She doesn't have other children to deal with. She doesn't have other people's children hanging off of her all day; asking questions ( that is so tiring isn't it? ). Rose you do have a lot on your plate! I know you are grateful for this pregnancy but it wasn't necessarily when you wanted it. Your plans have changed for the time being. Along with the horror moans, which was the point of my other pregnancy story, there has been 'surprise' changes in your life. It is all understandable.
ReplyDeleteAdvice? Well maybe Friday nights, ask your hubby for an hour to yourself. Go for a walk. Go to a store that sells pretty things. See pretty things, touch pretty things. Remember you are a woman. Get THEM to go for a walk and you have a bath. It won't change Monday morning, but at least your weekend might start off more relaxing.
When you are calm, bring him a drink, and explain to him that you hate feeling the way you do. Tell him you are unsure how to change these things. Don't mention Dd. Talk to him. Ask him if he has any solutions or idea that may help you. Men really do love to 'fix' things. Present your attitude change as an issue you need him for. Don't offer suggestions ( Other than maybe the Friday night thing if you think it might help) just be truthful about yourself. In essence be vulnerable.
I know you are so very exhausted. Who can blame you? But maybe just maybe, kick that laundry under the beds, and have an hour date night together. Dim the lights so the finger prints aren't visible :) and try to 'find each other'.
You are both still in there. You are just both so tired. If it is possible enlist in a babysitter. We could never afford one when our kids were little, that is when I discovered the powers of Bedroom floor picnics :)
As Leah said, we are here for you in anyway we can be...I pray you get your internet up and running soon! You aren't alone. Many of us have been in your position, Dd or not. Pregnant or not.
willie
Our internet is up and running - thank God! Thank you for the reply and for all of the advice. I'm really struggling still. Luckily my parents will take the kiddos overnight pretty much whenever we need them to unless they already have plans. We are very lucky in that respect. As far as the house, trust me when I say that the laundry has been kicked far under the beds for months. Our entire house is a chaotic mess. And this isn't me being a neat freak and thinking our house is bed because there's one pile of clutter in the kitchen. The only area in our house that is clean is the area used for daycare because I have to keep up with licensing standards. The kitchen is functional (because of daycare) but clutter on every stinking counter. The rest of the house looks like we could be on a Hoarder's show. That is honestly part of my stress too. We can never find anything. We have to dig through piles of laundry to find clothes every day. Papers disappear constantly. There is no order to my house and I've not had the time to organize it. We bought our house in 2010 and moved in and had it up and running within four days for daycare. And honestly, I've not had time to stop and organize it since we moved in. Anyways, that was a side note that has nothing to do with DD or anything. It just is. Honestly, I'm not at a point where I have positive things to say about speaking with my HOH right now. I feel like I've been communicating this message of being overwhelmed for the last year. I'm sure you are right. I need to be vulnerable. I need to let him have responsibility for this. But at this point I don't think that will end well for me or resolve anything. I realize that's a very dim view of things, but it's how I feel right now. But thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it so much.
DeleteOoo I think I could have written this post. My HOH yells and doesn't follow through. Barely wants to touch me too.. financial problems can make things hard. We are goin through financial problems too so mayb once this is over it will be better.. I understand the daycare issue too. I did daycare in my home fir 7yrs. Good luck. Don't give up
ReplyDeleteYes - daycare takes over your life and I'm sure you relate to that. It needs to be gone. It's just too all consuming. I'm going on six years. I loved it for the first five, but this past year I've struggled and it's just been really awful. I've been forced to take families that I didn't want to take for financial reasons and have put up with families that I should've dismissed for the same reason. I've worked ungodly hours and drove myself to a level of fatigue so bad last year that I had to stop working out for six months because I couldn't do anything but doze on and off all day on the couch on the weekends. It was NOT pretty...lol!!! I don't know what to do with the yelling. I'm extremely sensitive to it and I either shut down or lash out immediately. I've never been able to handle being yelled at. It just kills my spirit. Thanks so much for stopping in and the encouragement. I do think things will be better once we get through our bumpy transition period that we're going through right now. But I may just want to strangle my HOH in the meantime!
DeleteThere is some good active here, so much so that I don't think I have any more to add. Give yourself a bit of a break, an hour here or there as has been said.
ReplyDeleteBut I did want to say that I too have a shouting hubby rather than a confident controlled HOH. I sometimes read around here and think we must be doing it all wrong. And while I fantasise about a HOH who can calmly hold on to his anger and lead and follow through consistently, this is real life, and this is how it is for us (and maybe many more?) I don't think DD is the answer to everything either.
I hope you find some time to treat yourselves well, good luck!
I am struggling to find time for a break. My job has no breaks built in, so it's 10 hours nonstop. When I try to break and shut myself in my bedroom during the daycare kiddos naptime, my kids just refuse to leave me alone for any length of time! I think part of my issue with DD right now is that I AM attracted to the calmly disciplined leader vision of a HOH. Yelling ruins the whole thing for me. I shut down and I feel crushed from within. So I don't know. Maybe I just have pie in the sky fantasy ideals that need to come down to earth. I would like to find time to treat myself. I'd give anything to get my hair down right now! :P
Delete17 months ago I gave birth to our very unexpected fourth child. Ryan and I were in our second year of Dd....and I felt like my world was crashing down around me. He was working two jobs...going to school. I was here with three very active little boys with no help. Finances were super tight and I saw no end to it all. I was an emotional cranky tired mess...and I was sure ttwd was going to crash and burn.
ReplyDeleteSo the good news? It didn't. We survived. We came out of it all better. But...u couldn't see the end going through it all. I just saw juice spills and laundry and whiny kids and no husband. It. Was. A. Mess!!
We fought a lot. I cried a lot. My best advice? Talk to him. Tell him your heart. Acknowledge your fears. Listen to his. Ask for help. If you have family that can watch your kids a night a week a month whatever take it! If not, do a take out meal together when the kids are in bed. Ask for some time for you each evening. I swear if I could just have fifteen minutes alone in my room to switch from mom to wife I a much better person.
Last...,be gentle with you. Pregnancy is hard. Marriage is hard. Ttwd is hard. You have a lot going on. I know you can't see the end now, but I promise I was right where you are...and the end is not as scary as you think.
Thank you Lucy. From your description, I can tell that you relate so much. Financial struggles are so stressful. And with hubby being in school for the last four years, it's just been an awful stress on our marriage. Throw in a daycare for the last six years and whew. Ever since he went back to school, I've lost my freedom to pick and choose families. I've put up with some really nutty ones, especially in the last two years - families I would've booted if I wasn't supporting the family while hubby was in school! We fight all the time. Every day. There is not a single day of peace in my house. Perhaps I was hoping for too much with DD - like it would fix things. But our life is still the same mess. And now I'm just pissed all the time. When he stomps and yells and treats me in a manner that I don't appreciate, all I can think is "Who is going to spank you?" And sometimes I actually say that, because I'm just awesome at biting my tongue like that! I'm surprised I'm not dehydrated from all the tears I've cried - especially i.n the last five months or so. I do need to figure out something with our three year old. He is IMPOSSIBLE to put to sleep most nights and we get no predictable time as just a couple. And when we do, after we've fought with him for hours to go to sleep, we're too exhausted to have any productive time together. I wish I could see a glimpse of a better future. It would make things so much easier right now. All I can see is more arguing, more financial crap, no time to myself, and a house that is in utter and complete chaos!! Thank you so much for posting. I feel like just being heard and understood is so helpful and soothing to my soul!
DeleteRose, I am sending you the biggest of hugs!!! I am so sorry that you are going through this rough spot. When one is pregnant with other little ones in the family it is exhausting to the max! You are dealing with that, and with your day care- taking care of even more children. That is a heavy load to begin with. Add to all that the pregnancy hormones, daily stresses of living life, it can all be so overwhelming. You have gotten some great advice above. I will probably be reiterating what you already have. For what it is worth, here are my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhen one is tired- EVERYTHING is so much harder. Being pregnant requires lots of energy. Running after kids of your own, running after others' kids, you need help. Do you have relatives in the area who can give you a little of their time? Can you find some kids in the area who perhaps are working on early childhood ed and need a practicum? Maybe they can help you with the daycare part for now. Is there a neighborhood teen who can come give you a hand at the end of the day for even an hour? I am just throwing this out there as some food for thought. Rest is so important, so what if you let some things slide a bit? Make some time for you as best that you can. And ask the Capt to help you with that. It is so important for you and for your sweet baby.
As for the dd/ttwd part- I completely agree with what Sunny says above. It is not for everyone and everyone MUST make it their own. If it is not working for you then I think it is important to let it go for now. It is adding, instead of detracting from all that is in front of you at the moment. That is not a good thing. That being said, one can take a look at what I think are the basic elements and try to apply them as best you can. Stripped to the bare bones, I see them as being respectful to each other as best that you can. Listening to the other. Telling them how we feel. Working as a team. It is the feeling that our partner has bothered to show that he cares about us, and we care about them. And letting them take care of us. Those kinds of things are important in every marriage. Willie is right- guys do like to solve problems. Tell him and ask him to help you ASAP. :)
When I get overwhelmed at home, Rob writes lists on the whiteboard in the kitchen. I have concrete things to do. That is really really helpful at times like these. And it has, at times included things such as- take a nap, or very detailed steps to getting things done. It helps because when things are rough, having something to follow takes the extra decisions out of the way, and stuff gets done. And you feel better. Maybe talk to Capt about him helping you in that way for a while.
The key thing is to tell the Capt what you need. Tell him that you are feeling completely overwhelmed and that you need him to help you get through. Talk about it all with him. Lean on him and let him help you. I think that at times, it is easy to think that our guys know what is going on with us, but if life is busy, they may not see what we think that they see, and so don't react. We have to tell them how we are feeling, even if we think that they already know.
Another thought that I have for you is to tell your physician that you have been struggling with stress. Hormones are tough and our physicians know all about the changes that occur at these kinds of times. One might think, "I'm having a baby, I should be on top of the world. What is wrong with me?" Reality is, you are overjoyed, but life has gotten in the way a bit. Stress isn't good for you or the baby. Let them help you. That is what our docs are there for. That extra support can be a wonderful thing.
Rose, you all are in my thoughts and prayers. We are here for you, and we care. Feel good. Let us know how you are if you get a chance. BIG HUGS sent right out to you,
<3 Katie
Thank you so much for the hugs and support - it's so much appreciated. I would LOVE to take on an assistant. I don't have any relatives who would come help with the kiddos. My mom will take my kiddos if I need her to, but she draws the line at the daycare...lol. There's no longer an early childhood ed program in our area and as far as hiring an assistant I don't have the funds for that. We live very much paycheck to paycheck or really paycheck to almost the next paycheck right now, so it's not a matter of reprioritizing - the money just isn't there. As far as communicating with my HOH, I really don't know what else to do there. I'm not sure he truly gets it and I think I'm losing hope that he ever will. I haven't really considered talking to my midwife about taking anything. Honestly, I feel like so much of the stress will lift when I get to give notice to my parents that I'm done. That will happen as soon as my husband is on the nursing registry in our state and can start working - he already has a job lined up. So I kind of feel like I want to get to that point and then see how I feel. But you are right - the stress is not good for the baby. I keep trying to remind myself to do the deep breathing exercises that I did during my last pregnancy. I keep forgetting to do them and I do think it helps. I could definitely use more walks - I think getting away from everyone and being by myself with nobody bugging me for a good half an hour at least every day would do me a world of good. That's why I'm a runner - it's my stress relief! That went by the wayside when my morning sickness was so bad. I think I just need to get in the habit of getting back out there even if I'm only walking or walking with a bit of running thrown in here and there. Thank you so much for your support!
DeleteBig Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteYou have so much great advice here, you have a very full plate right now on top of being pregnant. I think the best thing you can do is just continue to communicate and keep trying, but you know..and this is just my opinion, DD can wait until life settles down a bit. I know for us, my pregnancy was on of the main reasons why we stopped DD a couple years ago, life was just too busy and too much for both of us to focus on DD because it does take a lot of effort and focus. I still think that you can try other ways to improve your marriage and improve communication during this time. I know just talking about what our needs were, and talking about how we could meet them for each other was really helpful, especially when we started up DD again. I hope you don't think I'm discouraging you, I think you'll work it out, but be gentle with yourself, you have so much going on.
I don't think you're being discouraging at all! DD does take a lot of focus. Even basic communication takes a lot of focus and we can't even seem to handle that right now! Thank you for the hugs and the encouragement. It means a lot to me! I do hope that it all works out eventually.
DeleteI agree with everyone above. DD or TTWD doesn't work the same for everyone. Remember that often you get a great synopsis of an event or difficulty, and not the minute by minute reality of life.
ReplyDeleteYou guys have a great deal on your plate....both of you. I am sure he is very stressed thinking about how he will take care of everyone and be supportive as well. Sometimes when I attribute lack of want etc to my guy I find out he is beyond stressed and needs just as much as I do.
I think it is best to keep the lines of communication open. Also find something you can do together that distracts you from the stresses of it all.
Try hard to give yourself time to put your feet up and enjoy some quiet...
Thank you for coming by and reading and for your support. I know that you are right. He is beyond stressed and he has told me as much. We're stuck waiting on our state to process his licensing stuff so that he can start working and take over supporting the family so that I can be done with the daycare. He can be very high strung and "shouty" when he's stressed and I'm very emotional and extra sensitive right now. So we are just one big ball of fun right now! ;)
DeleteAt first I wasn't going to write this on here but I feel I should say something so here goes. Rose, i'm very sorry you feel that way I had no idea. I know I have been vacant as of late and I haven't exactly been the friendliest of people either. I love you so much, I love you as much as I did the day I said "I do", DD or not I could never stop loving you my beautiful bride. Just to clarify part of the story. I have been busy trying to solve my job problem. We are shutting down the daycare by the end of next month so Rose can can rest the rest of her pregnancy. This will make me the new primary bread winner of the family. I have just graduated nursing school and passed my boards. I was also offered a job right out of school that pays top dollar for this area with benefits. The problem is that I am not yet licensed because our state is behind in getting licenses processed. Also I cannot begin to work until I have at least been approved by the state and my name has been added to the registry. Some of our other students have just now gotten their approvals after two to three months time and mine has only been in a week. I know they wont hold this job forever so naturally i"m a tad distracted. Sorry for rambling. In short I would just like to say is don"t give up on me yet. I do love you very very much. your love The Captain.
ReplyDeleteThank you for letting us in Captain ( okay gotta say that seems weird ME calling you that! lol). Your love for your wife is so obvious.
DeleteSo often my husband and I have had our wires crossed and it has been due to pressures from our outside world. For him, he used to have a difficult time trying to decipher what it meant to be husband and HOH. He thought being an HOH meant he had to shield me from his struggles. I in turn always just figured things out for him ( or so I told myself) so that I 'knew' what was going on with him. I -btw was always WRONG! lol
I have no doubt that you will find ways to reach each other now. Seeing and hearing each other is the way to do it!
Congrats Tom on all your achievements! Good luck with getting your licence.
willie
I'm a new reader/follower of your blog and just wanted to say thank you for such an honest post. Many, many experience exactly what you have written - my Beloved and I included. 38 years married and we still hit these spots in the journey that find us bewildered. Then as quickly as they appeared - they fade away in the love and commitment that is the foundation we walk on.
ReplyDeleteBe loved,
Annie B
Thank you for visiting. My blog has not been active at all lately with everything going on, but I hope to get back at it soon! It does help to know that others go through these times. It's really difficult to believe things will be better when we're in the thick of this sort of difficulty.
DeleteI'm sorry Rose. If it helps at all, I certainly don't get it right all the time either. We just hit a bump in the road that led me to the couch at night for a bit. (completely my fault) I sometimes feel like someone else takes over my body for a period of time. I know what is respectful and kind and submissive but my mouth won't agree with my mind. Frustrating. Don't give up, Hon. You are valuable, precious and important. I'm sure this will pass.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for visiting and for your support. My mouth and brain frequently refuse to work together. I can't seem to be anywhere near respectful right now. Maybe part of it is that I'm feeling very disrespected right now by certain things. I don't know. Thank you for the reassurance. It's hard to believe this will pass, even though I know deep down that it's true!
DeleteWow, you have a lot going on in your life, and add to that not communicating very well with your spouse, would exhaust me as well. And I really think that is what it is. Not having time to properly talk, no stress, no obligations, just being able to focus on you two. Is there a way you guys can achieve that? Get away for a night?
ReplyDeleteTo me, it really sounds like you are getting what you need, he is not quite stepping up and leading, and maybe you don't always make this easy for him to do? Especially in the beginning, it is so important to make it easier on the guy, to let him lead, and you follow, as it builds trust for him to know you will follow if he does step up. Instead of every time he does step up, you get a bit bitchy....
Food for thought. Hope you can get the internet trouble figured out soon.
Argh, I meant You are not getting what you need...
DeleteYeah. I think you are right Julia. There is miscommunication and lack of communication all over the place here. It's a struggle. I feel like there is NO good time to talk. He's distracted and busy at some times. I'm distracted and busy at other times. We're both tired at the end of the day. And I feel like when we do have time he doesn't want to discuss DD. I'm not sure why that is. I guess at some point I should just ask. I don't know if it's because we get so little time to ourselves that it's not fun enough for when we do have a few minutes. Or maybe I approach it in a way that seems like I'm judging and/or criticizing our experiences thus far. Maybe he thinks I'm going to launch into a lecture about how we "ought" to be doing DD? I'm not sure. But we do need more conversation where we're seeking to understand one another. I do feel like there's a lack of leadership, but I also know that I struggle with following. I don't make it easy for him. And sometimes I do think I deliberately rail against his leadership so that I can see if there's a wall there. I know that this behavior is uneffective at best and destructive at worst. I guess it comes down to my own insecurities with this dynamic. The thing is, I want this and I feel we need it, so why I can't just get out of the way and follow is beyond me! On another note, reading your comment last night really did give me food for thought. It made me think "Gosh, maybe I am really bitchy." and then "Yeah. I really do feel kind of bitchy and pissed off all the time." and then "Screw this. I need to go for a walk." I told Capt "I'm going for a walk!" He said alright and I was out the door. My walk turned into a run - two glorious miles. My running fell by the wayside when I was in the morning sickness phase of my pregnancy. And since I took up running in 2012 it has been a major source of stress relief for me. Oh, I felt wonderful when I got back home last night. Anyways, this is such a rambly reply to what you wrote. But for some reason what you wrote struck a chord with me enough to push me out the door and for that I'm very thankful!
DeleteRose, I am so sorry that everything is so overwhelming and difficult for you at the moment. I don’t know if I had your strength, because this really is such a lot to bear. You really have my sympathy and the others here have given so much great advice that I have not enough wisdom to add to it.
ReplyDeleteBut what I absolutely got is how tiring this is for you, mentally and physically. I stick to this point because I think I know enough about sleeplessness by now, and this can wear you down completely, even without other problems. Therefore I really hope so much that you at least get a little more rest and sleep than you seem to have at the moment. Maybe this sounds silly, then just ignore it, but since you do not really have much time (if any) for yourself, and being pregnant, getting enough sleep is just so important.
Yeah, as if you didn’t know that (right moment for facepalm is now). Sorry, I did not mean to lecture, but I’d wish so much for you to have this little bit of comfort.
If DD is not really beneficial for you right now, why not put it aside until you and your HoH have sorted out things a little better again? I really do hope that things will be better for you again soon, sending lots of energy and big
hugs,
Nina
Thank you Nina! You are right. Sleep is so very important. I do try to get to bed at a decent time. Some nights I'm better at this than others. And of course, you know how it is. Sometimes we get to bed alright but have to use the bathroom a zillion times thanks to our little growing beans! :) I try to kick my feet up and rest even though I can't sleep during the daycare kiddos' naptime, but lately my own children have been bound and determined to interrupt that rest time. As in they come into my bedroom, bounce all over my bed, fight with one another, etc, etc, etc....The past two days I've literally taken them both out of my bedroom, stuck them in the hallway, and shut the door. But this approach doesn't work because my littlest just bawls then because he wants to be with mommy and then I just feel like a horrible mother...lol! I think that is the hardest thing for me right now. Once my day starts there is absolutely no down time where mom's space is respected. That being said, after taking a hiatus from running due to my morning sickness in first trimester, I finally went out last night for a walk that turned into a run. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it felt and how peaceful it was. Two whole miles of nobody asking me for anything, crying at me, etc...I felt so much better after that. And now I feel I need a disclaimer because I keep mentioning my kiddos not leaving me alone. I love my kids beyond anything in this life. They are my world and the light of my life. I don't want anyone to get the impression otherwise despite my frustration right now. Anyways, thank you for your support and the hugs!
Delete((Hugs Rose, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Such wonderful comments above and I'm not sure what I can add. It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate as well as hormones playing a part.
ReplyDeleteI see Tom's comment above and am glad he has read this and understands how you are feeling.
((Hugs))
Roz
Thanks for visiting Roz! You're definitely right - a lot on my plate + hormones + relational blah is making this a rough time. But we will get through this!
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