Background

Thursday, March 6, 2014

An Anniversary Post - And Questions of Course!

We just passed our 11th wedding anniversary date. We never do anything fun for our anniversary until after our tax return arrives, so it was a subdued night. Tom brought home some flowers and a card, which was very nice. The card was a bit kinky, which was a first for us for an anniversary card. It was a nice change! We had frozen pizza and red wine. Yes, we are very classy like that.

Anyways, with it being an anniversary post I feel the pressure to write something monumental. However, I'm feeling rather uninspired. I've been in a bit of a funk lately. In the eleven years that we've been married, we've spent about nine of them in financial hell. We are currently there while Tom finishes up his school program. I'm the one that manages the finances. This week has been nonstop phone calls and arranging this, that, or the other and frankly it has me drained. I despise managing the finances, but overall I'm good at it and Tom is too overwhelmed with school to take it over right now. However, I have noticed that more and more things are slipping through the cracks as I just can't seem to keep up anymore. So that is the mental state I'm in right now.

It's storming all around, but at least we're together.
But I will press on and write something positive. As far as DD goes, I feel like I'm doing better on my end. I don't know. I feel like something has clicked. I'm not sure how or why. I'm just tired of fighting him. What I mean is that I asked for this dynamic, but then I've continued to fight his control. I've questioned, argued, stomped, and whined. I've acted out just to see if he would step up and administer a punishment only to feel the bitter sting of disappointment and rejection when he's too busy or doesn't notice. I guess what I've realized is that everything I'm doing is communicating to him that I don't really want this. It's one thing to tell him that I want him to be HOH, but to constantly undermine that dynamic just to see if he'll follow through is not helping the situation. The reality is that nobody is perfect. I will never be the perfect submissive wife and I don't think that's what Tom would want anyways. So even if I try really hard to stop testing him and submit to his authority, there will still be plenty of opportunity for him to discipline me because I'm not perfect. But I've got to stop sabotaging the dynamic in the first place. When I'm in my right mind, I should be feeding his leadership, not undermining it. So I've definitely not been the perfect wife in the last few months, but I have for the most part stopped being imperfect on purpose if that makes any sense.

Another thing I've realized is how much I love him and how very stressed we all are right now. With him nearing completion of his school program, why would I add more stress to his life by willfully acting out? It doesn't seem like a very loving or respectful thing to do to him. So it's with these realizations that I'm moving forward in my growth as a DD wife.

I do believe that our next eleven years will be significantly better than the first. Relationally we are in a much different place. We've had so much marital strife brought on by power struggles that things just feel so much more peaceful around here. And that's something I look forward to enjoying as we move forward. Also, we do have a plan for our financial situation and after years of planning and striving we are nearing completion of one important step. Looking back on it, while things weren't always peaceful, I'm proud of the way that we worked together to make this happen. Prior to him starting school in 2010, we used to go out to dinner and have business meetings to try to figure out how best to improve our situation. It's hard to say whether we chose the "right" path, but we chose a path and have stuck to it and have worked together to make it happen. So with all of the crap that came with our first eleven years of marriage, that's something we can pull out of those years and be proud of.

On another note, a little birdie, actually a lot of different blogging birdies, have made it clear that March is question month. I have no idea if I have anything to offer in the way of answering questions, but you're welcome to ask me anything. I'm pretty much an open book and you can ask me anything, be it DD related, personal, random, ridiculous, kinky, whatever. Ask away!

12 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time, but it sounds like better times ahead. :) I will ask you basically the same question I'm asking most....What is the biggest change you have seen in Tom since you began DD? Not sure if Tom has time, but if so, what is the biggest change he as seen in you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do think better times are ahead. Honestly, it would be so much harder to deal with our current situation if we didn't have plans in progress and goals that we are progressing towards. We do have a light at the end of our tunnel and that really really helps. I will answer questions in a separate post!

      Delete
  2. hello, found your blog through Master's Submissive little girl, happy anniversary

    1) What prompted the move to DD/ who initiated it?

    2) is there one particular kink you really want to try?

    3) do you have an agreed set of rules/a contract?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tori. Welcome and thanks for stopping by! I will answer your questions in a separate post!

      Delete
  3. I am not really asking questions because I am not putting up questions and answers on my blog...so it wouldn't be fair.
    I will say that the first 10 or so years are really the hardest in most marriages I think. All major decisions seem to be made during this time, housing, kids, jobs, schools for kids...so many changes going from ME to US. The financial thing is the same for a great deal of the same reasons.
    I admire and envy how you found not only something that is working but that despite all the stresses have actively pursued it.
    The last thing that needs to be said, and this is the most important....THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT SUBMISSIVE WIFE IN DD....if there was, then they wouldn't need Dd. There are times when we are more in tune with who we want to be. There are times when we are getting to where we want to be, but let us all stop putting added pressure on ourselves shall we? We try, and we struggle...but we are who we are. I have yet to met a perfect any thing human wise, least of all a perfect submissive wife.
    love
    willie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You make a great point Willie! We've had a TON of change in the first ten and we're gearing up to have even more change in the next ten...lol. I do look forward to the time that we're "settled" as much as anyone can be anyways. Also, you are right - a "perfect" wife wouldn't need DD. I love what it does for me and my relationship with my husband. But I'm sure he'd get bored if he didn't get to keep me in line from time to time! On another note, you are welcome to ask me questions anytime regardless of whether you are answering any on your blog. I've so appreciated your wisdom, guidance, and support. You've been an amazing source of encouragement as I've tried to wrap my brain around DD. So you have definitely earned the right to ask me anything you want anytime! :)
      *hugs*
      Rose

      Delete
  4. Congratulations on your anniversary!!

    What attracted you most when you first met?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'll get to your question in a future post!

      Delete
  5. Hope you guys get to do something extra special when your tax return comes in (not that frozen pizza and wine isn't special...;)

    Who asked who to do DD? Did you both know about DD when you got married or was it something you discovered online? Are either of you spankos?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too. Yeah - frozen pizza and wine doesn't really do it for me...lol. Last year we went paintballing and out to dinner. I'd never been and wore three layers of clothing. It was super fun. I mentioned maybe going again except that I informed him this time I'd like a hotel, so that he can have his way with me after he conquers me in the paintballing arena! :P I will answer questions in a future post!

      Delete
  6. Happy Anniversary!! We've been married about the same amount of time, and I totally understand the financial situation. I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but I do know things will improve over the next couple years, and I'm sure it will for you too!!

    Questions:
    1. What is your favorite date night activity?
    2. what is your most hated implement?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. I despise living paycheck to paycheck. It's an awful way to get through life. The two years before my husband went back to school we were finally not living paycheck to paycheck. BUT his job was a dead end with no opportunity for growth. So we chose to become poor again so that when it's all said and done we are not only not living paycheck to paycheck but he has opportunity to grow and thrive in his career. I try to remember that when times are really tough. There will be an end to all of this! As for your questions, I'll be answering questions in a future post!

      Delete