Monday, February 24, 2014

A Spanking Survey

I've been meaning to complete this for awhile now. I believe it was originally posted on Kenzie's blog.

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

The only thing I can think of is reading Fifty Shades of Grey and the Google research that followed. Other than that, there was no big event for me.

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

Mostly his name. I've asked if he'd like me to call him Sir as that helps me to get in the submissive mindframe, but he doesn't really care for that. He wants to simply be Tom in my eyes. I'm okay with that!

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

My name or My Dear.

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?


5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

Honestly, we haven't been doing this very long. So I can't really think of any rewards that we've done. I like the idea of more dates, but I don't know that I feel that should be a reward because I think it's good for our relationship to do them often no matter what. Time spent together is what I cherish. Gifts are nice too of course, but it's when he takes the time to get to know me further and listen to me talk that I feel very special.

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

Head upstairs - now! Or Get over here - now! Do we need to go talk?

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

This is going to sound mild to others. But I'd like a good old fashioned OTK disciplinary spanking. Tom always has me on the bed or the couch by myself during discipline so that the only thing that touches me is his hand or the implement while it's whacking away. It makes me feel very isolated. I just wonder what it feels like to have other touch while being disciplined.

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Read blogs, read blogs, and read blogs. There's a wealth of advice from those who have walked this path before. Also, look into joining one of the forums, chat rooms, or other DD communities and get to know other women. You'll need the support!

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

I don't think we've been at this long enough to have a crazy place. Although a place that drives me bonkers is the stairs leading to the second level in the house. If the kiddos are rounding around playing in the family room and he wants a quick correction that requires only a few swats over clothing, he'll have me bend over with my hands on the stairs. The kiddos can't see because they're in the other room, but I don't like it. I feel so exposed and like someone's going to walk in at any moment!

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

We are very inexperienced in BDSM, so there's a huge bucket list of things we've never tried. The one thing that I really would like a lot more of is bondage and sensory deprivation and just domination in general in the bedroom. We've only skirted the very edge of these ideas and it's something I'd really like to go much much deeper into!

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Not yet. I hate to list anything since Tom will probably read this and get ideas! His ideas are plentiful without my help!

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

How to be submissive...bwahahaha!

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

We don't really have many rules yet and the ones that we do have make sense to me. So there's nothing I feel I need a break from.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

Hmmm...that's really hard. I'm afraid I'm going to take the coward's way out and not answer this one. I just feel like I don't have enough experience at either one to really answer this. I finally had my first all out erotic spanking, but it's just been the one. And discipline spanking has slowly been gearing up. At this point I feel like I receive mostly swats rather than all out punishments. So until I've really experienced both in all their glory for some time, I think it's just too hard to say.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No. That would just make me feel weird. If he wanted me to spank for reasons of erotic fun I'd do that for him. That being said I don't think there's a sadistic bone in my body, so I doubt I could derive any personal pleasure from it, but I would do it for him. I would not want to spank him for disciplinary reasons. That would just feel backwards to me.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

This is something we're working on. Honestly, I think aftercare is where we could really use some work. Part of the problem is that we can barely find time and space for a disciplinary action, let alone the time needed for thorough aftercare. So we do need to figure this out because I'm sometimes left alone immediately after receiving discipline and that leaves me an emotional mess and angry.

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I found it via online research and then spoke with my husband. I told him I wanted him to be in control. Initially I just started with that. I didn't go into all of the details regarding DD. It's been a gradual process of telling him more and more. I didn't want to overwhelm him or freak him out!

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

Light saber.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

I wish! I'd love to have a selection of cute panties, but it's just not in the budget. It's plain janes for me right now!

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

Don't be afraid to go much further in the bedroom. Don't ask if I'm okay or if you're hurting me. My body belongs to you. Use it how you want. Be controlling, domineering, and feel free to throw in a bit of "I don't give a f*ck what you want" on the side. In fact, pretend like you don't care if you do hurt me. Don't accept no from me - my body is yours to use. Trust yourself to judge the situation and know what I can handle. But also know that I'll let you know when physically, mentally, or emotionally, we're going to a place that I truly can't handle - that's what a safe word is for!

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

I haven't used many pictures yet, but I did a search and here's some that I liked.

I LOVE this picture. I love how she is over his lap for a spanking and he's holding her with his body - it's so intimate. 

I love how he is clearly in charge of her entire body at this moment.

To me this picture speaks of total surrender in a way that is loving, intimate, and gentle. 

I said I wanted bondage. The idea of being so completely rope bound is a huge turn on for me.  I know my husband has the knot tying skills. Perhaps someday...


  1. Hey Rose

    I think your answers are pretty bang on for most women at the start of this little adventure. The OTK answer is one many long for, including me once upon a time. We mostly do r/a so it wasn't difficult to talk to Barney about and implement it at times. I can certainly see when time is of the essence that it would be difficult in a punishment situation at yours.

    I can also relate to feeling alone and angry after a spanking. The punishment ones are so difficult that way, as they have a completely different feel. I hope you can find a way to express your feelings to Tom, ( in calmer times) about how you feel. I am pretty sure he wouldn't be happy knowing you felt alone ( and that could be contributing to the anger as a defense mechanism )

    Before ttwd we only touched on bondage and a few other things. While we aren't all out (yet) it has improved slighty- but that was a slower go than Dd...LOL. Don't give up hope, all is about communication ...GAH, I know right?

    Great, honest, and vulnerable answers! I hope maybe you and Tom will get some mileage out of this post.

    1. I'm a little late getting to my comments here! I'll have you know that my hubby gave me an OTK spanking the day he read! I think it would be great to do r/a, but I don't want to ask for it right now. My husband will be done with his school program in a few more months and I feel like that will clear a lot off of his plate. I just don't want to ask for anything extra until after that happens. I love the idea of r/a - a time just for us to connect. As for the BDSM, that's SLOOOOWWW going, but I'm okay with that. We've still done way more in the last six months than we did the first ten years of our!

  2. Great answers! This is a good way for people to get to know you all in one post. I'm thinking about completing it also.

    1. Ooh - yes - great idea. I'd love to see your answers Autumn. Thanks for reading!

  3. Very interesting Rose. I can relate to so many of your answers. I also crave the OTK position and feel too alone when just OTB or bending over. It took a while for my husband to understand this, but now, most of the time he does all spankings OTK. (On those rare occasions anyway.) I love the pictures you found too, especially the first one! My all time favorite is one that shows a guy in a dress shirt and tie who is rolling up his sleeves. The caption says "just because I'm a gentleman doesn't mean I won't spank you." It gives me shivers, lol!

    1. Ooh - that picture you described sounds delicious! Yes, I think my husband will also understand more in time. But I'm guessing he'll still be doing spankings that are not OTK - especially for the more serious offense, such as disrespect or throwing something.

  4. Hi Rose, this is a great survey and I loved reading your answers and getting to know a little more about you. LoL at No 12. Awesome pics too!

    I think many of us can relate to feeling angry and alone at some stage after a spanking. Aftercare is so important to me. I need it to know all has been resolved and to re-connect. Wonderful, honest answers. As Willie said, I think you should share this with Tom if you haven't already.


    1. I think aftercare will grow with practice. I really think it's just that this is all new and we're both learning what we need to make this work. So we're kind of like DD students right now!

  5. Great answers. :) I understand what you mean about punishment and over the knee. The times the Duke has made me do it off his knee has been harder. There is definitely a connection that happens over the lap. I hope you guys are able to explore that at some point. {{{hugs}}} Hmmm, how would a lightsaber smell in a fire? ;) Have to admit, that's one I don't think I've ever seen listed as the one to toss. lol

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. We explored the OTK the day he read this! Haha on the lightsaber. I'm trying to figure out what kind of plastic it's made out of. It's not a lightweight plastic. It's heavy and hurts. I've wondered if it is lexan, since I've read that's rated as more painful than wood or leather. We have yet to explore leather...