The Toilet Fiasco

So last night was kind of a whirlwind of activity that we were not anticipating. Hubby came home from school to find the toilet unbelievably clogged. I had tried to plunge it earlier to no avail. He tried to plunge it to no avail. With little ones running around our house all the time it's anyone's guess what actually happened to the toilet. So off he went to the store and came home with a snake and finally got the job done. But the jarring of the toilet from aggressive plunging caused the wax seal at the base of the toilet to break. So then he had to go back out and buy the wax seal and reseal the toilet. To make a long story short he was not in a great mood. He had papers to write that evening and his entire evening was taken up with this unexpected repair that needed to be done.

So in his bad mood, some grumpiness came my way and I did what I do best. I built my wall and protected myself, looking a bit like this.

And this.

If only the church lady mentioned in the previous post could see me now, right?

So, I was anything but the well-behaved submissive wife and he certainly wasn't being the calm and firm HOH that I'd like. I finally realized I'd spewed enough venom and through my teeth manged an "Okay dear" when he was grumbling about something else. Of course he took that as sarcasm and gave me a warning that I'd be punished if it happened again. So he said nothing when I told him to f*ck off or flipped him the bird, but when I tried to submit and barely got the nice words through my teeth, that's where he had the problem? I definitely felt a bit confused but I just let it go.

So later he realized that he'd been harsh and grumpy. I understand. If I had papers to write and came home to that I'd probably be grumpy also. It happens to the best of us. He apologized. He said he wasn't holding me accountable for anything that I said or did because he provoked me. I appreciate that. I really do. But it also leaves me feeling confused, especially since this isn't the first time something like this has happened where I've responded to his grumpiness with complete disrespect and anger and he's let it go. I guess I'm thinking that submission should happen on my end even if he's having a grumpy day and not being kind. The reality is that I WANT to be that kind of wife, the one who can turn a grumpy husband around with her kindness and submission, refusing to return grumpiness with anger. So I'm confused. I appreciate that he doesn't want to punish me for my behavior when he feels like his provoked mine, but I also feel like maybe I should be held accountable for mine no matter what.

I'm wondering if anyone else has situations like this. In other words, I'm guessing nobody else's HOH is perfect and has grumpy days. So for the subs, how do your HOHs handle it when they know their grumpiness could have played  into some nastiness on your end? Do you think a HOH should follow through with discipline in this sort of situation? For the HOHs, what are your thoughts? Do you still discipline even if you know your grumpiness has made it harder for your sub to submit?