Losing My Precious Dog

There's a reason I haven't written since last week. It's been a difficult few days! Some of you are aware that our dog passed away. She went into acute kidney crisis and died of kidney failure. This has been very very difficult for us. I'd like to share a bit about my dog!

Losing M has been difficult as she's one of a kind - so gentle, loving, and sweet. It has felt very unfair to lose her when she is yet so young -she was only four years old. In my mind she was the dog that my kiddos were going to grow up with - that perfect childhood pet. She was going to stay for much longer and maybe even have a doggie friend in our home at some point. None of that was meant to be. We've asked a lot of questions since she got sick and searched high and low for a cause. The reality is who knows. When I spoke with the vet's office there is no sure bet of what caused her kidney failure. There could've been an underlying genetic problem with her kidney or past kidney trauma. She was so skittish and timid when we first got her and would jump and cry if someones foot grazed her fur while stepping down next to her. I've often wondered if she was kicked at the puppy mill where she birthed puppies for some evil person's monetary gain. We will not know why her kidney failed, but the thing I keep hearing from everyone, including people from the rescue where we got her, is that these things happen and it's not our fault. Those words have soothed my soul and have been a huge help in the healing process!

As a child, I always wanted a dog and with W, our first dog, things just did not pan out. I tried and tried and tried - read books, consulted friends, etc...and his issues just worsened over time to the point that we had to return him to the breeder because it just wasn't safe to keep him in a home with children any longer. I was truly saddened that day and cried all the way to the breeders and back, but I'll admit that my sadness was tempered with a bit of relief because I knew I couldn't manage him. Things could not have been more different with M. She fit in with our family so well. Sure, I had to do some training and some work with her when she first got here, but overall our relationship was effortless. M was the dog of my childhood dreams. When I was a child, the newspaper used to print pictures of dogs at the local shelter that were going to be euthanized if homes weren't found. I used to cut the pictures out and sob. I begged my parents for every one of them that I found. I'm glad that I cried those tears - somebody should cry for those dogs who've been cast out and deemed not worthy to live. I had this idea in my mind of what it would be like to have a doggie companion. With W, despite my best efforts, that relationship never fully developed. But with M I'd finally found and experienced what it means to have a dog share your life and steal your heart. I'll never regret one moment spent with M and I'm so glad that we had the privilege of sharing two years with her. The day we lost her I asked hubby to please bag up everything that was M's - her toys, grooming supplies, etc.... I said I didn't want it to remind me of M. We'd start fresh someday when we had a different dog. The next day I dug through the garbage bag and pulled it all out and started washing everything. There's no reason for M's toys and supplies to fill a landfill when there are dogs out there right now who suffer needlessly - dogs who would love to have her things. So they will wait until we're ready for a new furry companion to enter our lives. It WILL be another rescue dog.

And finally, in M's honor, I would urge everyone who is considering adding a dog to the family to consider a rescue dog. We went through a breed specific rescue and have found that we adore the basset hound breed. However, there are many options - local animal shelters, animal rescues that work with all breeds, and breed specific rescues.


On another note, Tom was wonderful through all of this. I was the one who received the phone call and he led the kiddos away while I had my flip out moment. I screamed, cried, pounded my fists on my desk and he gave me my space to grieve, but was right there to comfort me when I was ready for that. He has been loving and gentle and kind. And he is also heartbroken. He adored M too and is also grieving for her loss.


I know that those of you who were aware of what was happening kept us in your thoughts and prayers and I'm very thankful for that.