Come Here

Adjusting to being led continues to be a struggle for me. The other day we had a situation in which Tom decided to critique the way I was managing our money. Let me first explain that we've actually decided that we'd eventually like for him to take over this aspect of our lives as in our case we think it would help with the dynamic we're trying to build. However, he is not wanting to take this on until he is done being a student and has more time to manage this. Anyways, things have been incredibly tight. In fact we've had more years in our marriage when money has been horribly lacking than we have where things have been semi-comfortable. That being said, we knew things would go from manageable to pretty terrible while he was in school and they have. I have continued to manage the money. It's a huge stress and headache for me, but I do it because I'm usually good at staying on top of it. Things don't always get paid on time, but it's not usually due to poor management. It's usually due to simply not having it. So here we are and I've dealt with this headache constantly all the while working an insane number of hours each week and he decides to criticize how I'm taking care of things. I immediately had one of my crazy moments.

Me: I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something to the tune of, I've managed all of this our entire married lives. Yes, sometimes things don't get paid on time. Sometimes I have to call and cancel automated payments at the last minute. But I have my reason for doing things the way I do based on the experiences I've had doing this over the years. I don't need you micromanaging what I'm doing. In the time I've been doing this, we've never had anything shut off. Our mortgage has always been paid, not always when we want it paid, but it's been paid. I've paid all of the bills and there has always been enough food to keep the kiddos fed. What more do you want?

Him: Come here.

Me: This is where I just went on and on. No idea what I said - I think just reiterating the same points, working myself up, and starting to get emotional. Oh, I do remember that I chose this moment to remind him of the one very short window in our lives when we were first married that he tried to take over the bills and it did not work out.

Him: Come here.

Me: Some more carrying on.

Him: Come here. You need to learn to listen and come when I tell you to.

Me: Carrying on in a higher pitched voice and inching forward a few feet.

Him: Come here. You're not listening. Get over here.

Me: Carrying on and dragging my body forward unwillingly until I'm standing a foot away from him.

Him: Reaches out and hugs me. You need to learn to trust me. When I tell you to come here you need to come. You do manage everything and you do a great job.

Me: Feeling humbled and incredibly daft for not listening sooner.