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Friday, October 25, 2013

Growing Pains

Tom: Let's go upstairs.

Me: Drags feet and stomps up the stairs (how did I turn into a three year old all of a sudden?)

Tom: I have to discipline you. You should've seen the look on his face.

Me: Hanging head in shame. He looks really mad. Are you in control? 

Tom: Yes. I'm mad, but I'm in control.

Me: Assumes the position.

Whack   Whack

Me: Squirm squirm Do you always have to use that thing? It's so thin that it's probably like using a cane! (speaking of his treasured lightsaber).

Tom: Yes. I like it. It's effective.

Whack

Me: Owieeee!

Tom: I'm going to five. You've got two more.

Me: Okay.

Whack

Squirm Squirm

Whack

Tom: All done.

This one was well earned friends. Hubby and I were arguing and I took it out on my oldest son. I yelled at him for something minor - ripped his little heart to shreds really. That's not the kind of mom that I want to be, not the kind of mom I feel that I am. Not by a long shot. I definitely deserved to be disciplined and probably even more so than I was.

Tom still takes it pretty easy on me when it comes to discipline, but I've noticed something. When we first began TTWD, the minute I would cry out or protest he would stop and figured I'd had enough. Now he's pushing past that point. He's not pushing past by much, but I see him evolving and growing into his HOH role.

Also, if you have read Epic Fail - Don't Try This At Home, then you are aware that we've also made progress in our ability to manage the discipline in a way that feels emotionally safe to me. Oh, we discussed safe words and 15 second rules and such after that incident, but in this moment that all left my head and all I could squeak out was, "Are you in control?" He knew what I meant and he gave me the reassurance that I needed to feel safe. As safe as one can feel when they're about to be whacked with a lightsaber anyways!

She knows she's going to get a spanking and feels a bit apprehensive. I can relate!

Well done to my HOH. I'm feeling grateful as he is learning and gaining confidence. I know that our roles feed into each other. As I improve with mine, he improves with his and vice versa. I don't believe we will ever be that couple that seemingly changes overnight. I think we will quietly creep along until one day we look back and realize how much things have changed.

13 comments:

  1. Slow and steady 'wins' the race ;). If I have learned anything from being around 'here' for over a year, living as well as reading about ttwd, there are certain steps and stages we all have to go through. Some may skip them initially, and seem to have a head start, but you still have to go through them eventually. Good for you for recognizing this so soon!

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    1. Agreed! Sorry it's taken so long for me to reply to your comment!

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  2. Sorry that you earned a punishment but glad that it worked out well for you both this time:)

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  3. Must be kind of like a good wine....only better with time ;)

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    1. I think you are probably right on that!

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  4. Rose, what a long way to come in a short time! I love your statement, "I know that our roles feed into each other." Simple and very true statement. Following through with it can be so much harder. Geez, maybe I could steal that from you and tape it to the bathroom mirror. What a good daily reminder.

    Okay, now for the important question--lightsaber?!?! That's one creative HoH you have. Clara

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    1. Lightsaber - yes! It's one of my son's toys. It's my hubby's chosen implement. He won't even TRY anything else - UGH!

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  5. Rose,
    sorry to hear that you go spanked....but kudos to your HOH for stepping up and taking on the role. I know it's not easy but it sounds like you guys are both figuring it out.

    I have a question for you (or Tom).....would he have said that he wasn't in control if he really wasn't??

    Subrina <3

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    1. He did do well with this situation for sure. I do believe that if he wasn't in control and I asked him that, he would back off. I really do.

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  6. Hi Rose, I'm sorry you were spanked, but am so glad you are able to see the positives and how you have both grown. You are right too, our roles really do feed off each other.

    I like your last paragraph. I think it is wise to take things slowly and let things evolve. When you reflect back, you'll be amazed when you realise how far you've come :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely still think roles feed off of each other, which is why I really need to get my head back in the game so to speak!

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