He Claimed Me and Tori's Questions

We got home late last night from a hockey game. We had a ton of fun together with one of our kiddos. Our kiddo was tired and playing in the other room. My husband came into the office. I was standing and leaning over the desk checking to see what I'd missed in blogland.

He comes up behind me and touches me and presses himself right up against my back. He sways. I sway. He walks away. Not far. Just to the door. Then he turns the lock and walks back over towards me. More pressing up against me. More swaying. My body responds to this amazing and loving man that I'm lucky to spend my days with.

My chest falls to the desk. My pants come off as do his and he is pressing up against me. He touches me and I'm ready for him. He enters me from behind. Slowly at first and then he picks up speed. He continues his thrusting until he comes undone. 

He cuddles me and tells me he just couldn't contain himself. He's falling in love with me all over again he says. I'm falling in love with him too. After eleven years of marriage, we're falling in love and on a second honeymoon. If only we had a beach too! 

Amazing things are happening. This was another first for us - sex from this position. Perhaps I needed to be submissive and he needed to be dominant to make it work. We'd tried years ago and it was awkward and painful and we stopped. This was pure bliss. It was intense and I felt claimed when he was done. We've had some great sex, some of it the sweet and loving kind. This was full of love, but it wasn't sweet. It was masculine and dominating and I loved every second of it. I am his. I belong to him and this was his way of letting me know that.

***Tori's Questions - What prompted the move to DD/ who initiated it? Is there one particular kind you really want to try? Do you have an agreed set of rules/ a contract?***

I initiated the move to DD. I have always been sexually closed off, a bit of a prude. It wasn't intentional. I had a religious upbringing and couldn't seem to get past the association between guilt and sex that I'd always been taught. So I had sex with my husband out of obligation. But to enjoy it or to explore it was just not something that was on my radar. I read Fifty Shades (I know, likely story here) and found it hot. I set it aside for awhile, but after a year I decided to reread it again. And it was that second reading that just changed me. I couldn't stop thinking about sex and I felt turned on nonstop. This coincided with my 34th birthday and I have to wonder if something hormonal happened as well. I started researching BDSM, but realized that I wanted more than kink. What really really turned me on when I thought about it was power exchange. I read through forums on Fetlife and over and over was drawn to people discussing TPE. Now I don't think we're totally there yet, but that's what got me on the road to DD. When I first stumbled onto DD blogs, I was initially repulsed. Sorry friends, it's just true. I wasn't ready. I didn't understand why a woman would let a man do such things. So we tried a little kink, nothing I would call real BDSM, but definitely spicier than what we had been. But I still felt like something was missing. So I kept researching and reading blogs. I came across D/s blogs and then once again DD blogs. About a month had passed. And for some reason that short passage of time was enough to make me open to what DD had to offer. I dropped hints initially. More hinting as well as some direct statements. I finally had to open up a lot more about just what I was asking. I admit that I thought I might die of embarrassment in asking for all of this. But wow, he's taking to it and we're well on our way. We have a lot to learn. Personally, I'd like a lot more on the BDSM side of things than what we're doing. But we will hopefully have many more years to explore and grow and change. So I have things to look forward to with my husband!

Hmmm...one particular kink? That is very hard as I feel like there's more things we haven't tried than we have. I'd like to go much much deeper into bondage. I've never been flogged and for some reason that holds a lot of appeal for me as does a riding crop. I'd like to continue growth in the power exchange area because I feel like there's so much room for growth. Okay, I guess you asked for one and I could go on and on. So I guess I'll just finish this question by saying I'd be up for experimenting a lot as long as it's with my husband.

As far as an agreed set of rules or contract, we do not have that. When I first started exploring I filled out and printed a list I found from some BDSM resources as to things that I'd done, wanted to try, could possibly try, or were hard limits. I simply gave it to him for some reading. He said at the time that he realized I'd looked further into this than he initially thought. Other than that though there have been no contracts. I do have rules, but we're kind of in the learning process. I'm not allowed to throw things, stomp around and yell when I can't find something, or be bitchy and disrespectful.

Thank you for the questions Tori. It was fun to give them some thought and answer them!

Pants Down and Over My Lap! Plus Betsy's Questions

"Pants down and over my lap!" Tom's eyes were dark and determined, with an edge of excitement last night. It's the first time I've seen him really take charge in a punishment. Oh, he's spanked me before. But this was different. His entire demeanor exuded confidence and authority. It was such a turn on even though I was in trouble.

Earlier that day my dad had stopped by while I was trying to get five kiddos out the door for outdoor play. Nothing irritates me more than that man stopping by whenever he wants and barging in like I've got nothing going on. Listening to him talk and sing with "Grandpa's boys" and grill my oldest about how homeschooling is going while I'm clearly trying to get out the door aggravates me to no end. The man doesn't have the slightest clue of the meaning of boundaries. But I've mostly put up with his drop ins as it's usually only once every other week or so. But my agitation has gone to a new level ever since M passed away. My dad is deathly afraid of dogs to the point that he used to open the door to my house, peek his head in, "Rose, I'm here!" just so I could make sure my dog wasn't going to try to greet him when he walked in. If she dared get up the nerve to walk over to him (she was a sweet and timid little girl), his reaction was something akin to "Rose, that thing is coming by me!" M was the most docile dog ever and his reaction was over the top ridiculous. But anyways, that's not my point. After M passed away, he stopped by to see the boys. There was no peeking his head in and calling out. He barged in like he owned the place. He knew. He knew because my mom and everyone else new. He knew she was gone. Not one word. No expression of sorrow or empathy for my grief. It was almost like he was relieved that he didn't have to watch out for "that dog" anymore. That was the last time he stopped by, so when he stopped by yesterday it was the same way. No hesitancy at the door looking for the dog. That combined with my needing to get out the door and him throwing a wrench in my attempts to do so, just sent me over the edge. After he left and I had the kiddos loaded in the stroller ready to go play, I stepped back into our house to grab something and ask Tom to holler outside if the baby woke up. He could tell I was on edge. But when I went to shut the bathroom door on my way out and instead slammed it causing a bunch of our kiddos artwork that was stacked on a shelf attached to that wall to fall off, Tom informed me we'd be talking later.

Later we had an opportunity to discuss the incident a bit and Tom said he'd considered letting me off the hook once he calmed down and thought about it. But then he decided not to because he knows that I really don't want him to let me off the hook. With everything he's been reading in my blogs, he said he didn't want this to be an incident where he didn't step up and discipline. And regardless of how my dad makes me feel, he wants me to be a better person than that. So he informed me that there would be a punishment coming later that night once he was assured that we had privacy.

Yikes! That's the most I think I've seen him step up as HOH and it was a bit frightening, but in a good way. And honestly, it was a real turn on for me. There's something about him when he uses his authority and gives me his stern gaze that melts me.

I got the kiddos to bed early and that's when he issued his command. "Pants down and over my lap!" As for the punishment itself, let me say, he's a natural at lecturing. And I don't know why, but I seemed to need his lecture. It was comforting in a way. I think partly because his voice was calm the entire time. There was no anger. Also the content was soothing. It wasn't about him being mad at me, but wanting better for me. In fact, the whole thing seemed kind of selfless. He wasn't punishing because of his need to beat something out of me, but more out of my need for him to help me be the best version of myself. Perhaps it's only a matter of semantics to some, but for me it's an important difference. The punishment itself was short and sweet. It was over the lap and with his hand. I can tell that he's still afraid to hurt me too much or break me, but he deemed it was enough, so I'm not going to complain. And perhaps he was a bit lenient because he knows how my dad has the ability to set me off like no other human being alive. When he was done, he pulled me onto his lap and held me and hugged me.

"How's that for aftercare?" He asked.

"Perfect." And I cuddled into this amazing man who I feel like I'm getting to see in a whole different light now that we've added DD to our lives.

***From Betsy - What is the biggest change you have seen in Tom since you began DD? What is the biggest change Tom has seen in you?***

The biggest change I've seen in him is his confidence. I think it's changing him, having a wife who trusts him enough to say "I'm done running the show. I trust you to be in charge and I'm going to submit to you." He doesn't take it lightly and it seems that it's bolstered his confidence. It goes with him when he leaves the house and goes to school, work, wherever he goes. He's told me that he feels like he interacts with people a little bit differently. He's more sure of himself and conveys more self-respect that I've seen him do in the past. When it comes to parenting, he's quicker to jump in and tell the kiddos that they are NOT allowed to treat mom the way that they are when they are having a disrespectful moment.

The biggest change he's seen in me he says is the fact that I even chose DD at all. He says it's a complete 180 from who I was and it shocked the hell out of him. I went from "No man will ever be in charge or tell me what to do" to asking him to be in charge. He says he remembers when I was in late junior high and was cofounder of the SAM club with a friend (Sisters Against Marriage). He feels like saying I did a 180 is actually an understatement. He never thought I'd give up control like that. And he's always wanted more of this kind of relationship, but figured that he would never have it. He went into marriage with me knowing that he would never get that dynamic. But he loved me for me and was willing to give that up just so we could  be together. WOW - that's something I didn't know! At times he felt like he was being oppressed in the relationship, whereas now things are obviously different. He feels like he's been given this gift all of a sudden and I'm pretty sure that he would never go back in a million years! I wouldn't either!

A Big Change

There has been change brewing. I briefly hinted in The Times I Didn't Listen that Tom and I were going back and forth on a decision. It was something that he wanted me to do and something I wasn't sure about. Initially he wanted me to give up the home daycare and take a job outside the home. However, we are in Timbuktu, USA and jobs that would make it worth it to give up my business are just not plentiful. And for what I can make with my social service background, I don't earn enough to justify a commute. But this is something he wanted and I decided to submit. It's part of why I was so busy those months that I dropped out of Blogland for awhile. I searched and submitted applications and nothing seemed right. Well, one thing led to another and we decided that I should apply to go to graduate school this coming fall. So I decided to apply to an MS program in Clinical and Community Mental Health. Then I realized that my GRE scores were too old to be valid. So I had to study for and retake the GRE in a hurry. This was no small feat considering I haven't been in a math class since 1999 unless you count statistics in the year 2000. Anyways, I'm rambling. I jumped through all of the hoops - retook the GRE, gathered letters of recommendation, which was interesting considering I haven't had a supervisor in over six years and haven't had a college professor for much longer, wrote my personal statement, and filled out the application.

That was in January and it's been a long wait since then. Well, today I got a letter. I've been accepted! I'm in. I'm excited and nervous and a bit sad at the same time. It's a tad bittersweet for me because it means tacking on years to a plan that we had to get out of Timbuktu, USA. I can't begin to describe how much we both despise our location, but we see it as a means to an end right now. It also means seeing less of my children, although when I do spend time with them once I'm in school I will no longer have other people's children's needs to care for constantly. It will be just me and mine and after running my business for nearly six years, I really really like the idea of that.

My husband is pushing me - in a good way. And this is where life can be so interesting sometimes. There was a time that I was the one who pushed. Now I'm trying to tread carefully here as to what I reveal because it's not my story to tell. So without going into detail, I will just say that my husband does not come from a very great familial background. So there was a point when we first met where he needed me to push him. It wasn't laziness on his part. It was lack of confidence and belief in himself. See our marital pattern whereby I pushed and he acquiesced has some roots that at a point in time was functional and perhaps necessary even if we are now working to undo that pattern. But now he is on the verge of finishing up one portion of his schooling. He is ready for a break before he completes his next level and he wants me to fill in that gap by finishing something that I started years ago. This won't be my first time in graduate school. A year or so into our marriage I walked away from a doctorate in Clinical Psychology program after the first year. And he is pushing me to finish. This is something that he wants for me. He knows that I only have social services to fall back on if God forbid something should ever happen to him and he wants more for me and a bit more security for our children.

We are changing and he is changing. Already I see how he is working to help me become the best version of myself that I can be. I think that's what can be so attractive about DD. If we didn't have this in our lives, I feel that I would still be stubbornly clinging to what I know and we wouldn't have started looking into jobs or schooling for me because I would've immediately dismissed it. I sometimes let fear of the unknown get in the way of my decisions. I *think* Tom knows that about me. And perhaps he's going to continue to chip away at this tendency of mine through various situations and decisions as we continue through life.

I admit that I'm excited, but scared. I'm scared because I don't know everything about my next year. I don't know my schedule. I don't know how busy I'm going to be, how much I will be gone, how much study time I will require, how many days I'll get with the kiddos, what it will look like to share homeschooling responsibilities with my husband, how much I'll enjoy my classes, what my graduate assistantship responsibilities will be, and the list could go on and on and on. I guess my Tom, my Dom, is not going to let me live life from my little hidey hole of what is safe, secure, and known. He's going to push me and that my friends is a good, good, good thing!

On another note, I do plan to answer your questions. I will likely start on some answers with my next post. It is still March, so feel free to continue to ask away if there's anything you are curious about. I'm an open book. You can ask me just about anything!

An Anniversary Post - And Questions of Course!

We just passed our 11th wedding anniversary date. We never do anything fun for our anniversary until after our tax return arrives, so it was a subdued night. Tom brought home some flowers and a card, which was very nice. The card was a bit kinky, which was a first for us for an anniversary card. It was a nice change! We had frozen pizza and red wine. Yes, we are very classy like that.

Anyways, with it being an anniversary post I feel the pressure to write something monumental. However, I'm feeling rather uninspired. I've been in a bit of a funk lately. In the eleven years that we've been married, we've spent about nine of them in financial hell. We are currently there while Tom finishes up his school program. I'm the one that manages the finances. This week has been nonstop phone calls and arranging this, that, or the other and frankly it has me drained. I despise managing the finances, but overall I'm good at it and Tom is too overwhelmed with school to take it over right now. However, I have noticed that more and more things are slipping through the cracks as I just can't seem to keep up anymore. So that is the mental state I'm in right now.

It's storming all around, but at least we're together.

But I will press on and write something positive. As far as DD goes, I feel like I'm doing better on my end. I don't know. I feel like something has clicked. I'm not sure how or why. I'm just tired of fighting him. What I mean is that I asked for this dynamic, but then I've continued to fight his control. I've questioned, argued, stomped, and whined. I've acted out just to see if he would step up and administer a punishment only to feel the bitter sting of disappointment and rejection when he's too busy or doesn't notice. I guess what I've realized is that everything I'm doing is communicating to him that I don't really want this. It's one thing to tell him that I want him to be HOH, but to constantly undermine that dynamic just to see if he'll follow through is not helping the situation. The reality is that nobody is perfect. I will never be the perfect submissive wife and I don't think that's what Tom would want anyways. So even if I try really hard to stop testing him and submit to his authority, there will still be plenty of opportunity for him to discipline me because I'm not perfect. But I've got to stop sabotaging the dynamic in the first place. When I'm in my right mind, I should be feeding his leadership, not undermining it. So I've definitely not been the perfect wife in the last few months, but I have for the most part stopped being imperfect on purpose if that makes any sense.

Another thing I've realized is how much I love him and how very stressed we all are right now. With him nearing completion of his school program, why would I add more stress to his life by willfully acting out? It doesn't seem like a very loving or respectful thing to do to him. So it's with these realizations that I'm moving forward in my growth as a DD wife.

I do believe that our next eleven years will be significantly better than the first. Relationally we are in a much different place. We've had so much marital strife brought on by power struggles that things just feel so much more peaceful around here. And that's something I look forward to enjoying as we move forward. Also, we do have a plan for our financial situation and after years of planning and striving we are nearing completion of one important step. Looking back on it, while things weren't always peaceful, I'm proud of the way that we worked together to make this happen. Prior to him starting school in 2010, we used to go out to dinner and have business meetings to try to figure out how best to improve our situation. It's hard to say whether we chose the "right" path, but we chose a path and have stuck to it and have worked together to make it happen. So with all of the crap that came with our first eleven years of marriage, that's something we can pull out of those years and be proud of.

On another note, a little birdie, actually a lot of different blogging birdies, have made it clear that March is question month. I have no idea if I have anything to offer in the way of answering questions, but you're welcome to ask me anything. I'm pretty much an open book and you can ask me anything, be it DD related, personal, random, ridiculous, kinky, whatever. Ask away!

A Spanking Survey

I've been meaning to complete this for awhile now. I believe it was originally posted on Kenzie's blog.

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

The only thing I can think of is reading Fifty Shades of Grey and the Google research that followed. Other than that, there was no big event for me.

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

Mostly his name. I've asked if he'd like me to call him Sir as that helps me to get in the submissive mindframe, but he doesn't really care for that. He wants to simply be Tom in my eyes. I'm okay with that!

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

My name or My Dear.

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

LIGHTSABER!!!

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

Honestly, we haven't been doing this very long. So I can't really think of any rewards that we've done. I like the idea of more dates, but I don't know that I feel that should be a reward because I think it's good for our relationship to do them often no matter what. Time spent together is what I cherish. Gifts are nice too of course, but it's when he takes the time to get to know me further and listen to me talk that I feel very special.

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

Head upstairs - now! Or Get over here - now! Do we need to go talk?

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

This is going to sound mild to others. But I'd like a good old fashioned OTK disciplinary spanking. Tom always has me on the bed or the couch by myself during discipline so that the only thing that touches me is his hand or the implement while it's whacking away. It makes me feel very isolated. I just wonder what it feels like to have other touch while being disciplined.

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Read blogs, read blogs, and read blogs. There's a wealth of advice from those who have walked this path before. Also, look into joining one of the forums, chat rooms, or other DD communities and get to know other women. You'll need the support!

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

I don't think we've been at this long enough to have a crazy place. Although a place that drives me bonkers is the stairs leading to the second level in the house. If the kiddos are rounding around playing in the family room and he wants a quick correction that requires only a few swats over clothing, he'll have me bend over with my hands on the stairs. The kiddos can't see because they're in the other room, but I don't like it. I feel so exposed and like someone's going to walk in at any moment!

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

We are very inexperienced in BDSM, so there's a huge bucket list of things we've never tried. The one thing that I really would like a lot more of is bondage and sensory deprivation and just domination in general in the bedroom. We've only skirted the very edge of these ideas and it's something I'd really like to go much much deeper into!

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Not yet. I hate to list anything since Tom will probably read this and get ideas! His ideas are plentiful without my help!

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

How to be submissive...bwahahaha!

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

We don't really have many rules yet and the ones that we do have make sense to me. So there's nothing I feel I need a break from.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

Hmmm...that's really hard. I'm afraid I'm going to take the coward's way out and not answer this one. I just feel like I don't have enough experience at either one to really answer this. I finally had my first all out erotic spanking, but it's just been the one. And discipline spanking has slowly been gearing up. At this point I feel like I receive mostly swats rather than all out punishments. So until I've really experienced both in all their glory for some time, I think it's just too hard to say.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No. That would just make me feel weird. If he wanted me to spank for reasons of erotic fun I'd do that for him. That being said I don't think there's a sadistic bone in my body, so I doubt I could derive any personal pleasure from it, but I would do it for him. I would not want to spank him for disciplinary reasons. That would just feel backwards to me.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

This is something we're working on. Honestly, I think aftercare is where we could really use some work. Part of the problem is that we can barely find time and space for a disciplinary action, let alone the time needed for thorough aftercare. So we do need to figure this out because I'm sometimes left alone immediately after receiving discipline and that leaves me an emotional mess and angry.

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I found it via online research and then spoke with my husband. I told him I wanted him to be in control. Initially I just started with that. I didn't go into all of the details regarding DD. It's been a gradual process of telling him more and more. I didn't want to overwhelm him or freak him out!

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

Light saber.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

I wish! I'd love to have a selection of cute panties, but it's just not in the budget. It's plain janes for me right now!

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

Don't be afraid to go much further in the bedroom. Don't ask if I'm okay or if you're hurting me. My body belongs to you. Use it how you want. Be controlling, domineering, and feel free to throw in a bit of "I don't give a f*ck what you want" on the side. In fact, pretend like you don't care if you do hurt me. Don't accept no from me - my body is yours to use. Trust yourself to judge the situation and know what I can handle. But also know that I'll let you know when physically, mentally, or emotionally, we're going to a place that I truly can't handle - that's what a safe word is for!

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

I haven't used many pictures yet, but I did a search and here's some that I liked.

I LOVE this picture. I love how she is over his lap for a spanking and he's holding her with his body - it's so intimate. 

I love how he is clearly in charge of her entire body at this moment.

To me this picture speaks of total surrender in a way that is loving, intimate, and gentle. 

I said I wanted bondage. The idea of being so completely rope bound is a huge turn on for me.  I know my husband has the knot tying skills. Perhaps someday...

Humorous News Story

I came across this while searching for images for my blog. I have no idea if it's a real news story or a fake meant as a joke. All I could think of was that maybe it was a sub following her Dom's instructions! I'd be so embarrassed!

Losing My Precious Dog

There's a reason I haven't written since last week. It's been a difficult few days! Some of you are aware that our dog passed away. She went into acute kidney crisis and died of kidney failure. This has been very very difficult for us. I'd like to share a bit about my dog!

Losing M has been difficult as she's one of a kind - so gentle, loving, and sweet. It has felt very unfair to lose her when she is yet so young -she was only four years old. In my mind she was the dog that my kiddos were going to grow up with - that perfect childhood pet. She was going to stay for much longer and maybe even have a doggie friend in our home at some point. None of that was meant to be. We've asked a lot of questions since she got sick and searched high and low for a cause. The reality is who knows. When I spoke with the vet's office there is no sure bet of what caused her kidney failure. There could've been an underlying genetic problem with her kidney or past kidney trauma. She was so skittish and timid when we first got her and would jump and cry if someones foot grazed her fur while stepping down next to her. I've often wondered if she was kicked at the puppy mill where she birthed puppies for some evil person's monetary gain. We will not know why her kidney failed, but the thing I keep hearing from everyone, including people from the rescue where we got her, is that these things happen and it's not our fault. Those words have soothed my soul and have been a huge help in the healing process!

As a child, I always wanted a dog and with W, our first dog, things just did not pan out. I tried and tried and tried - read books, consulted friends, etc...and his issues just worsened over time to the point that we had to return him to the breeder because it just wasn't safe to keep him in a home with children any longer. I was truly saddened that day and cried all the way to the breeders and back, but I'll admit that my sadness was tempered with a bit of relief because I knew I couldn't manage him. Things could not have been more different with M. She fit in with our family so well. Sure, I had to do some training and some work with her when she first got here, but overall our relationship was effortless. M was the dog of my childhood dreams. When I was a child, the newspaper used to print pictures of dogs at the local shelter that were going to be euthanized if homes weren't found. I used to cut the pictures out and sob. I begged my parents for every one of them that I found. I'm glad that I cried those tears - somebody should cry for those dogs who've been cast out and deemed not worthy to live. I had this idea in my mind of what it would be like to have a doggie companion. With W, despite my best efforts, that relationship never fully developed. But with M I'd finally found and experienced what it means to have a dog share your life and steal your heart. I'll never regret one moment spent with M and I'm so glad that we had the privilege of sharing two years with her. The day we lost her I asked hubby to please bag up everything that was M's - her toys, grooming supplies, etc.... I said I didn't want it to remind me of M. We'd start fresh someday when we had a different dog. The next day I dug through the garbage bag and pulled it all out and started washing everything. There's no reason for M's toys and supplies to fill a landfill when there are dogs out there right now who suffer needlessly - dogs who would love to have her things. So they will wait until we're ready for a new furry companion to enter our lives. It WILL be another rescue dog.

And finally, in M's honor, I would urge everyone who is considering adding a dog to the family to consider a rescue dog. We went through a breed specific rescue and have found that we adore the basset hound breed. However, there are many options - local animal shelters, animal rescues that work with all breeds, and breed specific rescues.


On another note, Tom was wonderful through all of this. I was the one who received the phone call and he led the kiddos away while I had my flip out moment. I screamed, cried, pounded my fists on my desk and he gave me my space to grieve, but was right there to comfort me when I was ready for that. He has been loving and gentle and kind. And he is also heartbroken. He adored M too and is also grieving for her loss.


I know that those of you who were aware of what was happening kept us in your thoughts and prayers and I'm very thankful for that.