A Spanking Survey

I've been meaning to complete this for awhile now. I believe it was originally posted on Kenzie's blog.

1.) Was there a certain event from your life, that sparked the spanking interest? If so, feel free to share:

The only thing I can think of is reading Fifty Shades of Grey and the Google research that followed. Other than that, there was no big event for me.

2.) What do you most often call your HOH/Spanker? (Sir, Master, etc.)

Mostly his name. I've asked if he'd like me to call him Sir as that helps me to get in the submissive mindframe, but he doesn't really care for that. He wants to simply be Tom in my eyes. I'm okay with that!

3.) What does your HOH/Spanker most often call you? (Young Lady, Girl, etc)

My name or My Dear.

4.) We're building a big spanko bonfire, which one implement are you bringing to toss in?

LIGHTSABER!!!

5.) We all know how many punishments there are to choose from; spanking, lecturing, corner time, etc.. but what about rewards? Do you have a favorite 'reward' that is used? If not, what's something you'd like used as a reward?

Honestly, we haven't been doing this very long. So I can't really think of any rewards that we've done. I like the idea of more dates, but I don't know that I feel that should be a reward because I think it's good for our relationship to do them often no matter what. Time spent together is what I cherish. Gifts are nice too of course, but it's when he takes the time to get to know me further and listen to me talk that I feel very special.

6.) What's that one phrase, that when it's used, you know you're in trouble?

Head upstairs - now! Or Get over here - now! Do we need to go talk?

7.) What's something you'd like to cross off your spanking bucket list? Being shy is not an option here people. ;)

This is going to sound mild to others. But I'd like a good old fashioned OTK disciplinary spanking. Tom always has me on the bed or the couch by myself during discipline so that the only thing that touches me is his hand or the implement while it's whacking away. It makes me feel very isolated. I just wonder what it feels like to have other touch while being disciplined.

8.) Someone comes to you, and says they just started practicing domestic discipline. What's the biggest piece of advice you can give them?

Read blogs, read blogs, and read blogs. There's a wealth of advice from those who have walked this path before. Also, look into joining one of the forums, chat rooms, or other DD communities and get to know other women. You'll need the support!

9.) Where is the craziest place you've been spanked?

I don't think we've been at this long enough to have a crazy place. Although a place that drives me bonkers is the stairs leading to the second level in the house. If the kiddos are rounding around playing in the family room and he wants a quick correction that requires only a few swats over clothing, he'll have me bend over with my hands on the stairs. The kiddos can't see because they're in the other room, but I don't like it. I feel so exposed and like someone's going to walk in at any moment!

10.) We talked about a spanking bucket list, now let's get a little more into it.. what about a BDSM style bucket list? What's something you'd like to cross off of that?

We are very inexperienced in BDSM, so there's a huge bucket list of things we've never tried. The one thing that I really would like a lot more of is bondage and sensory deprivation and just domination in general in the bedroom. We've only skirted the very edge of these ideas and it's something I'd really like to go much much deeper into!

11.) Is there a punishment you thought you'd never try, but ended up trying and finding effective?

Not yet. I hate to list anything since Tom will probably read this and get ideas! His ideas are plentiful without my help!

12.) What is something you wish you knew before you started DD/TTWD?

How to be submissive...bwahahaha!

13.) If you could take a break from one rule, for one week, which rule would it be?

We don't really have many rules yet and the ones that we do have make sense to me. So there's nothing I feel I need a break from.

14.) This might sound like a no brainer at first, but really think about it. If you could only have one sort of spanking in your dynamic, would you rather it be discipline or fun?

Hmmm...that's really hard. I'm afraid I'm going to take the coward's way out and not answer this one. I just feel like I don't have enough experience at either one to really answer this. I finally had my first all out erotic spanking, but it's just been the one. And discipline spanking has slowly been gearing up. At this point I feel like I receive mostly swats rather than all out punishments. So until I've really experienced both in all their glory for some time, I think it's just too hard to say.

15.) If your HOH/Spanker messed up, and offered to let you spank them, would you? Why/Why not?

No. That would just make me feel weird. If he wanted me to spank for reasons of erotic fun I'd do that for him. That being said I don't think there's a sadistic bone in my body, so I doubt I could derive any personal pleasure from it, but I would do it for him. I would not want to spank him for disciplinary reasons. That would just feel backwards to me.

16.) What is your favorite form of aftercare?

This is something we're working on. Honestly, I think aftercare is where we could really use some work. Part of the problem is that we can barely find time and space for a disciplinary action, let alone the time needed for thorough aftercare. So we do need to figure this out because I'm sometimes left alone immediately after receiving discipline and that leaves me an emotional mess and angry.

17.) How was DD/spanking brought up to you, or how did you bring it up to your partner?

I found it via online research and then spoke with my husband. I told him I wanted him to be in control. Initially I just started with that. I didn't go into all of the details regarding DD. It's been a gradual process of telling him more and more. I didn't want to overwhelm him or freak him out!

18.) If your spanker could use only one implement from here on out, what would they use?

Light saber.

19.) Do you have a favorite pair of panties to wear when you know you're going to be spanked? If so, what are they?

I wish! I'd love to have a selection of cute panties, but it's just not in the budget. It's plain janes for me right now!

20.) Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on how you look at it) mind reading hasn't yet been perfected. What's something you want your HOH/Dom/Spanker to know? (For example, don't be afraid to spank harder, or something along those lines.) Don't be afraid, spill!

Don't be afraid to go much further in the bedroom. Don't ask if I'm okay or if you're hurting me. My body belongs to you. Use it how you want. Be controlling, domineering, and feel free to throw in a bit of "I don't give a f*ck what you want" on the side. In fact, pretend like you don't care if you do hurt me. Don't accept no from me - my body is yours to use. Trust yourself to judge the situation and know what I can handle. But also know that I'll let you know when physically, mentally, or emotionally, we're going to a place that I truly can't handle - that's what a safe word is for!

*Bonus Question (just because it's fun)- Is there a picture (spanking, dd, Ds, etc related) that you just really love? If so, let's see it!*

I haven't used many pictures yet, but I did a search and here's some that I liked.

I LOVE this picture. I love how she is over his lap for a spanking and he's holding her with his body - it's so intimate. 

I love how he is clearly in charge of her entire body at this moment.

To me this picture speaks of total surrender in a way that is loving, intimate, and gentle. 

I said I wanted bondage. The idea of being so completely rope bound is a huge turn on for me.  I know my husband has the knot tying skills. Perhaps someday...

Humorous News Story

I came across this while searching for images for my blog. I have no idea if it's a real news story or a fake meant as a joke. All I could think of was that maybe it was a sub following her Dom's instructions! I'd be so embarrassed!

Losing My Precious Dog

There's a reason I haven't written since last week. It's been a difficult few days! Some of you are aware that our dog passed away. She went into acute kidney crisis and died of kidney failure. This has been very very difficult for us. I'd like to share a bit about my dog!

Losing M has been difficult as she's one of a kind - so gentle, loving, and sweet. It has felt very unfair to lose her when she is yet so young -she was only four years old. In my mind she was the dog that my kiddos were going to grow up with - that perfect childhood pet. She was going to stay for much longer and maybe even have a doggie friend in our home at some point. None of that was meant to be. We've asked a lot of questions since she got sick and searched high and low for a cause. The reality is who knows. When I spoke with the vet's office there is no sure bet of what caused her kidney failure. There could've been an underlying genetic problem with her kidney or past kidney trauma. She was so skittish and timid when we first got her and would jump and cry if someones foot grazed her fur while stepping down next to her. I've often wondered if she was kicked at the puppy mill where she birthed puppies for some evil person's monetary gain. We will not know why her kidney failed, but the thing I keep hearing from everyone, including people from the rescue where we got her, is that these things happen and it's not our fault. Those words have soothed my soul and have been a huge help in the healing process!

As a child, I always wanted a dog and with W, our first dog, things just did not pan out. I tried and tried and tried - read books, consulted friends, etc...and his issues just worsened over time to the point that we had to return him to the breeder because it just wasn't safe to keep him in a home with children any longer. I was truly saddened that day and cried all the way to the breeders and back, but I'll admit that my sadness was tempered with a bit of relief because I knew I couldn't manage him. Things could not have been more different with M. She fit in with our family so well. Sure, I had to do some training and some work with her when she first got here, but overall our relationship was effortless. M was the dog of my childhood dreams. When I was a child, the newspaper used to print pictures of dogs at the local shelter that were going to be euthanized if homes weren't found. I used to cut the pictures out and sob. I begged my parents for every one of them that I found. I'm glad that I cried those tears - somebody should cry for those dogs who've been cast out and deemed not worthy to live. I had this idea in my mind of what it would be like to have a doggie companion. With W, despite my best efforts, that relationship never fully developed. But with M I'd finally found and experienced what it means to have a dog share your life and steal your heart. I'll never regret one moment spent with M and I'm so glad that we had the privilege of sharing two years with her. The day we lost her I asked hubby to please bag up everything that was M's - her toys, grooming supplies, etc.... I said I didn't want it to remind me of M. We'd start fresh someday when we had a different dog. The next day I dug through the garbage bag and pulled it all out and started washing everything. There's no reason for M's toys and supplies to fill a landfill when there are dogs out there right now who suffer needlessly - dogs who would love to have her things. So they will wait until we're ready for a new furry companion to enter our lives. It WILL be another rescue dog.

And finally, in M's honor, I would urge everyone who is considering adding a dog to the family to consider a rescue dog. We went through a breed specific rescue and have found that we adore the basset hound breed. However, there are many options - local animal shelters, animal rescues that work with all breeds, and breed specific rescues.


On another note, Tom was wonderful through all of this. I was the one who received the phone call and he led the kiddos away while I had my flip out moment. I screamed, cried, pounded my fists on my desk and he gave me my space to grieve, but was right there to comfort me when I was ready for that. He has been loving and gentle and kind. And he is also heartbroken. He adored M too and is also grieving for her loss.


I know that those of you who were aware of what was happening kept us in your thoughts and prayers and I'm very thankful for that.

The Toilet Fiasco

So last night was kind of a whirlwind of activity that we were not anticipating. Hubby came home from school to find the toilet unbelievably clogged. I had tried to plunge it earlier to no avail. He tried to plunge it to no avail. With little ones running around our house all the time it's anyone's guess what actually happened to the toilet. So off he went to the store and came home with a snake and finally got the job done. But the jarring of the toilet from aggressive plunging caused the wax seal at the base of the toilet to break. So then he had to go back out and buy the wax seal and reseal the toilet. To make a long story short he was not in a great mood. He had papers to write that evening and his entire evening was taken up with this unexpected repair that needed to be done.

So in his bad mood, some grumpiness came my way and I did what I do best. I built my wall and protected myself, looking a bit like this.

And this.

If only the church lady mentioned in the previous post could see me now, right?

So, I was anything but the well-behaved submissive wife and he certainly wasn't being the calm and firm HOH that I'd like. I finally realized I'd spewed enough venom and through my teeth manged an "Okay dear" when he was grumbling about something else. Of course he took that as sarcasm and gave me a warning that I'd be punished if it happened again. So he said nothing when I told him to f*ck off or flipped him the bird, but when I tried to submit and barely got the nice words through my teeth, that's where he had the problem? I definitely felt a bit confused but I just let it go.

So later he realized that he'd been harsh and grumpy. I understand. If I had papers to write and came home to that I'd probably be grumpy also. It happens to the best of us. He apologized. He said he wasn't holding me accountable for anything that I said or did because he provoked me. I appreciate that. I really do. But it also leaves me feeling confused, especially since this isn't the first time something like this has happened where I've responded to his grumpiness with complete disrespect and anger and he's let it go. I guess I'm thinking that submission should happen on my end even if he's having a grumpy day and not being kind. The reality is that I WANT to be that kind of wife, the one who can turn a grumpy husband around with her kindness and submission, refusing to return grumpiness with anger. So I'm confused. I appreciate that he doesn't want to punish me for my behavior when he feels like his provoked mine, but I also feel like maybe I should be held accountable for mine no matter what.

I'm wondering if anyone else has situations like this. In other words, I'm guessing nobody else's HOH is perfect and has grumpy days. So for the subs, how do your HOHs handle it when they know their grumpiness could have played  into some nastiness on your end? Do you think a HOH should follow through with discipline in this sort of situation? For the HOHs, what are your thoughts? Do you still discipline even if you know your grumpiness has made it harder for your sub to submit?

An Interesting Week Thus Far

I don't speak about my faith much on my blog because honestly that's just not something I usually discuss here. I prefer to stick to other topics. However, this will be a post that touches on my faith as a christian. If that's not your cup of tea, just click on to the next blog in your list today!

This week has just been a surprise for me. I started off the week just really wanting to get back to where we left off with DD and continue to progress with this new dynamic. I've also started reading more and through a recommendation found the book "For Married Women Only" by Tony Evans. Normally I steer clear of bible based books and I don't think I'll go into why. That would be a really long post! However, I figured this book would help me to get into a submissive mindset.

The book is a short read. The author made his points quickly and clearly without a lot of fluff. I really liked that because it was clear exactly what he was saying. While there were several good points in the book, the one that I took away is this. When women try to lead in their marriage and take over, it gets in the way of God trying to work on our husbands. Now a person may agree or disagree with this and hey, different strokes for different folks. For me, this was personally meaningful. I've spent so much time and emotional energy trying to direct my husband into the "right" ways of doing, living, being, etc...I'm exhausted from it all! It's been too much for me to try to direct our family, push him where I think he should go, as well as take care of my own personal needs. So perhaps I should just submit and get out of God's way.

Here's a conversation that my husband initiated while I was reading this book, which he did not know I was reading as it's on my Kindle and I hadn't bothered to say anything about it. "I think we should go back to church. I may not always be able to join you because of school, but you should go. I know you need it." Well, we had gone around and around about this in the past. It's not that he's anti-church or anything, but there were some issues that I won't go into regarding church. He went on to say "I know you get a lot out of being at [specific church] and you really need it. I want you to go back and I may even join you and the boys when I'm able to."

I was stunned by that conversation as it came out of the blue. I have not brought up the issue in awhile. Anyways, after finishing the book yesterday. I decided to post something online. My husband has worked so hard passing exams, juggling school, a job, children, a wife, and everything else life throws at him. So I decided to take a moment and thank him publicly. Except I didn't use the words that I as a woman would use and have used in the past, such as "He's awesome!", "I love him so much!" or "I'm proud of how hard he works." Those are surely beautiful sentiments and most men would be happy to receive them, but I wanted to go beyond that. I wanted to use language that would speak to him as a man, so the words I chose were "I am honored to have Tom for a husband." I went on for a little bit to discuss why. My husband was obviously touched by my words and the public praise he received.

I wasn't really thinking about the post today when the phone rang. It was an elderly lady from the church we discussed earlier in the week. She's one of the kindest older women I know and cares deeply for people she knows. I hadn't heard from her in a very long time. She had no way of knowing that my husband had just decided we'd come back to the church. She called to compliment me on my post that she saw. She went on to say that she doesn't often see that kind of respect coming from a wife to her husband and she thinks it's really wonderful that I'm able to be respectful of my husband. I was floored. If only she could be a fly on the wall and see my day to day struggles with this! Then she said that we'd been prayed for at church last week.

I'm not one to get the heeby jeebies about things that are likely coincidental, but having just read that book about submitting and getting out of the way and having my husband out of the blue decide I should take the boys back to church and then being contacted by someone I admire in that church certainly gives cause to wonder if God can be intimately involved in a marriage. I'm kind of at a loss as to how this could have happened or how to interpret it, but it also fills me with hope and optimism for things to come with my marriage and with DD.

Anyways, I thought this was too good of a story not to share!

Off Topic Snippet #2

1. I've been on a health and wellness quest for the last two years and have just recently busted through a year and a half long plateau. I've gone grain, gluten, and sugar free along with low carb. Oh help me! But I am FINALLY starting to lose weight again!

2. My favorite movie as a teenager was Dirty Dancing. Clueless was a close second.

3. I am very much an introvert and love to read, read, and read. My taste in literature is eclectic. I enjoy classics, fantasy fiction, contemporary fiction, erotic fiction, and dystopian fiction to name a few. I also tend to read a lot of parenting books and currently books on submission, marriage, and even some on D/s.

4. The one cosmetic that I don't like to leave my house without is lip gloss. I prefer the whole works, but lip gloss will do in a pinch.

5. When I was in junior high a friend and I formed a club called Sisters Against Marriage, SAM, for short. I was NOT going to get married just to get steamrolled by some man someday. My husband is aware of this group as we were actually friends way back then. He has said recently that he feels like maybe a punishment is in order to purge this from me. Whaaat? A punishment for something that was over 20 years ago? Pfft!

She's Come Undone

We had another first. While some spanking has been incorporated during sex, it has always consisted more of swatting during rather than a thorough spanking. Well, I found myself wanting more and so I taunted my Dom! I told him he was all talk. Oh yes - those words really came out of my mouth! In his words I threw a "hissy fit" because sex for his part was over and done with.

"What did you say? I'm all talk? That's it!"

So then it came. WHACK WHACK WHACK A downpour of his hands on my derrier. Swat after swat after swat on my bare bum. Over and over again his hands rained down smacking and leaving a burning sensation everywhere they went. I couldn't tell how many smacks it was or how many minutes long. All I know is that it was intimate and painful and pleasurable all at once.

And then he turned me over, swatted my inner thighs,and then his fingers were everywhere and they were my undoing. It was the neverending orgasm. It went on and on and on and on. I admit that after nearly 12 years of marriage it was probably the best I'd ever experienced.

This is the first time I've had a thorough spanking before sex and wow, is that what happens every time? More please! This is the first time he's spanked with no implement in sight. And I loved it. There was something so intimate about the experience with it being his hand. I also inspected myself in the mirror afterwards and it's the first time that I can honestly say that my bottom was rosy pink.

You know, all of my best moments in terms of sexual experience have come since adding DD into our lives. Oh, I can't wait to see what the next 12 years brings!

Uh Oh - Someone Read My Blog!

Yesterday we had a snow day. That's probably a big shocker since I think half of the US is having snow days right now. Tom, who is usually very busy with his school program, had a day off. And do you know what he spent part of his day off doing? Is the suspense too much? Okay, I'll tell you. He spent it reading my blog!

He's been so busy juggling everything going on in our lives that this is the first time he's read it. It felt really special to me that with everything else going on in our lives and everything he has on his plate, he took the time to read through my blog. Every last post! I think it was an eye opener for him. We had let things as far as DD slide for awhile, not just a little but by a lot. In fact, it would seem that for awhile we were slipping back into our old and argumentative egalitarian pattern. I admit that I felt frustrated at times thinking that he just doesn't want to do this. And I honestly questioned whether or not I want to continue this. Oh, but I do. I have no doubt. I just wondered if it would ever pan out.

When I first approached him with DD last year, his response was that he always wanted this kind of relationship, but didn't think he would ever get it. Meaning he'd always longed for more of a D/s style relationship. So when everything fizzled out I was a bit confused and just kind of gave up a bit. We were also having some other relationship difficulties that led to ambivalence on my part as to whether or not I wanted to go down this road with him. I'm sure that he sensed my ambivalence. Anyways, as I said, he read my blog. And I think he was pleasantly surprised by a lot of what he read. He told me that he honestly didn't think I was ready for this kind of relationship and he didn't think I really knew what I was asking. But after reading my blog, he realized that I am ready to head down this path even if I have my moments of doubt and even though the submission aspect seems really difficult for me at times. He also realized that I have given this a lot of thought. We ended up having a really productive conversation. I admit that he even had a little fun at my expense when he read some of my entries. "Oh, you want me to step up more? I can do that," with a smirk. "I go easy on you, do I? Hmmm..." More smirking. "You want a variety of implements? Oh. Okay! Well, in that case we'll have an entire armory of them." You get the idea. So this is when he tells me that he's been holding back and he can go much further into this. He just didn't want to scare me off. So I'm deliciously excited and a bit nervous now - Eeep!

I kind of feel like a kitten who's suddenly discovered that she's sitting in a cage with a lion. There's probably better analogies than that, but it's the best I can think of so let's just go with it. So I'm a very nervous kitten even though I know this lion isn't going to make a meal out of me (well, he might in very specific and deliciously sexy ways), but instead he will take care of me and protect me from all the other vicious animals in the forest. But he's also going to roar at me and even swipe at me with his big ol' paw from time to time. My analogy might makes sense in my head. I don't know if I've successfully translated it to the written word, but there you have it!

A Discussion of Implements

Implements are a vast unexplored frontier in my mind. It's odd that I read about other people's experience with implements and I grow a bit envious. Perhaps it's one of those things where the grass seems greener on the other side. But I know I've mentioned how much I LOATHE the light saber. In that respect, I guess it's good for the intended purpose. However, I do wish for a bit of variety I guess?

We actually just had a discussion today about implements as I've been having some pain in my lower back/butt/leg. I DON'T think it's spanking induced. One, I've not had many spankings lately to really cause such a thing. Two, I think it is possibly sciatica caused by an epidural with my first son's birth. I never had the pain prior to his birth and it has come and gone ever since. It just seems to have flare ups now and then. Anyways, but the fact that the pain is currently flared up brought up an implement discussion as my hubby does NOT want to be the cause of further pain or injury. In other words, he's okay with short-term pain, but not any sort of lasting damage. And of course, that's where I'm at with it too. So it seems this discussion led into implements and I did express a concern that with the light saber being so thin, if it were to hit the right spot, there could be potential to exacerbate the injury. I don't know if this is really true or not, but it would seem to make sense anyways. So while I understand that the light saber will be in his repertoire as I truly see him maybe saving it for the most heinous disrespect, it would make sense to broaden the range of implements in order to lessen the potential for injury. We are on the same page as far as that goes. So now it seems he will be in the market with something that spreads the pain, so an implement with thud versus sting. I have visions of a lovely paddle perhaps from Blondie's Place. Oh no. The next words out of his mouth. "I'd like a cricket bat." Whaaaat???"

So I did what I usually do when I don't have a clue. I googled. Why oh why did I do that? And why is my HOH so creative? Maybe I should try to compromise. A lovely ping pong paddle would be nice. Ooh - and we could get a ping pong table and play. That's a lovely bonus - too lovely to turn down I think! Hmmmm...something tells me that I just need to accept my fate. There's likely a cricket bat in our future. I guess on the positive side, we could bludgeon home intruders with it if need be.

I thought this one that I found looked appropriate for the job.

And one in action. This guy just looks like he's getting ready to paddle his woman's behind!

So I will leave you dear readers with those lovely visions in your head. Be careful what you wish for!

I Am Still Around and Trying To Sort My Brain Out!

I've been wanting to make it back to this wonderful and supportive community for awhile now. I apologize for dropping off of the face of the earth. I guess it happens to the best of us. Things got really busy and life just kind of took over as it does sometimes. I want to get back into the swing of things, so I will try try try to do that!

DD has been pretty light for us as things were just starting to get rolling when everything became insanely busy. So I admit that in a way I feel like I'm biding my time as things should slow down for us mid summer. That doesn't mean I can't work on me, but I'm afraid I'm not very good at that. I repeat to myself and have said to others in the community when questioned, "Do you really want this?" that "YES! YES I do!!" but then when push comes to shove and we're in the heat of the moment submission is so very difficult for me. Why would I ask for this and then sabotage when Tom tries to follow through? I don't know. I really can't say. But I think it's a good question that I need to figure out if we're going to grow in this kind of relationship.

I know that only I can truthfully and completely answer my own question as I'm the only one with unrestricted access to my thoughts, experiences, and feelings. I think that there is a part of me that is very afraid to let go. I think we have never had this level of trust in our marriage. I don't mean to criticize a non-DD marriage in anyway as there are many beautiful non-DD relationship out there, but I feel like DD brings trust to a deeper level. And by trust I don't mean that we mistrust one another's faithfulness to the relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. That's an area where we both seem to have the benefit of unfettered trust in one another. This type of trust is different for both of us. For me, as the submissive one in the relationship, it is about trusting him not to break me or not to forget to allow me to be me if that makes any sense. I guess I don't want to lose myself and just be an extension of somebody else. For him, I know that every time I sabotage in the moment when he's trying to discipline or use his authority that I gave him to make a decision, it breaks down trust in the DD relationship and that it will actually work between us. It breaks down his ability to trust me to fill that submissive role that I've told him repeatedly I want to fill.

I'm actually thinking while writing, so this is turning into a rambly post. But I sincerely do want to get a grip on  where my headspace is in all of this and come to terms with what I need to work on within myself in order to have the DD/Ds relationship that I aspire to have. I'm wondering if anyone else has struggled with this? Any words of wisdom? Did anyone else go through this as they tried to transition from an egalitarian relationship to a DD/Ds relationship? As always, I'm open to any suggestions!