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Saturday, February 8, 2014

Uh Oh - Someone Read My Blog!

Yesterday we had a snow day. That's probably a big shocker since I think half of the US is having snow days right now. Tom, who is usually very busy with his school program, had a day off. And do you know what he spent part of his day off doing? Is the suspense too much? Okay, I'll tell you. He spent it reading my blog!



He's been so busy juggling everything going on in our lives that this is the first time he's read it. It felt really special to me that with everything else going on in our lives and everything he has on his plate, he took the time to read through my blog. Every last post! I think it was an eye opener for him. We had let things as far as DD slide for awhile, not just a little but by a lot. In fact, it would seem that for awhile we were slipping back into our old and argumentative egalitarian pattern. I admit that I felt frustrated at times thinking that he just doesn't want to do this. And I honestly questioned whether or not I want to continue this. Oh, but I do. I have no doubt. I just wondered if it would ever pan out.

When I first approached him with DD last year, his response was that he always wanted this kind of relationship, but didn't think he would ever get it. Meaning he'd always longed for more of a D/s style relationship. So when everything fizzled out I was a bit confused and just kind of gave up a bit. We were also having some other relationship difficulties that led to ambivalence on my part as to whether or not I wanted to go down this road with him. I'm sure that he sensed my ambivalence. Anyways, as I said, he read my blog. And I think he was pleasantly surprised by a lot of what he read. He told me that he honestly didn't think I was ready for this kind of relationship and he didn't think I really knew what I was asking. But after reading my blog, he realized that I am ready to head down this path even if I have my moments of doubt and even though the submission aspect seems really difficult for me at times. He also realized that I have given this a lot of thought. We ended up having a really productive conversation. I admit that he even had a little fun at my expense when he read some of my entries. "Oh, you want me to step up more? I can do that," with a smirk. "I go easy on you, do I? Hmmm..." More smirking. "You want a variety of implements? Oh. Okay! Well, in that case we'll have an entire armory of them." You get the idea. So this is when he tells me that he's been holding back and he can go much further into this. He just didn't want to scare me off. So I'm deliciously excited and a bit nervous now - Eeep!

I kind of feel like a kitten who's suddenly discovered that she's sitting in a cage with a lion. There's probably better analogies than that, but it's the best I can think of so let's just go with it. So I'm a very nervous kitten even though I know this lion isn't going to make a meal out of me (well, he might in very specific and deliciously sexy ways), but instead he will take care of me and protect me from all the other vicious animals in the forest. But he's also going to roar at me and even swipe at me with his big ol' paw from time to time. My analogy might makes sense in my head. I don't know if I've successfully translated it to the written word, but there you have it!



19 comments:

  1. I think it was a purrrrrrrrrrrrfect analogy. I'm sorry apparently I channel my husbands cheesiness before 8 am.

    So there you have it- communication works its magic again. Huh? Go figure. *wink*
    Good luck kitty. Just remember hakuna matata !
    love
    willie

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    1. Haha! Your cheesiness made me smile! Yes, communication sure is a magical thing! I hope we are able to keep the lines of communication open as we move forward. And now I will spend the rest of the morning with "Hakuna Matata" running through my head! :P

      *hugs* Rose

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  2. Oh how exciting - I always feel a little nervous and excited at the same time when Daddy reads my blog, but how beautiful for Tom to have read every last post :) ava x

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    1. I am feeling very special right now! :D Thanks for reading!

      Rose

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  3. I love your analogy, I think it fits perfect! How exciting that he read every post and really took time to think about all that you had said. It's so great when communication works its magic;)
    Kim

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    1. Thank you. I'm not always great with analogies, so I get nervous when I use them! And yes, communication is great when it works. Things are so much more of a struggle when there has been a communication breakdown! Thanks for reading!

      Rose

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  4. That is great! And wonderful that he read your thoughts. That is truly one of the reasons that blogging it journaling is important. Its a safe place for us to express ourselves and them to read without it seeming confrontational. Everyone has the opportunity to digest.Glad to hear you ate both on the same page now! Good luck with the lion:)

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    1. I agree that this can be a great way to communicate. It seems to work well for us, whereas face to face conversations can go off course and cause misunderstandings much of the time. Yes, a little apprehensive about the lion, but he has informed me after reading this post that he is a wolf and not a lion. Haha - I may have to do a new post on that one alone!

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  5. Great news, and I agree about your analogy. I hope he learns some good stuff having read it.

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    1. Thank you! Me too! I think it's such a huge learning process for both of us. So I know we'll both grow and change immensely through this whole process!

      Rose

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  6. I am not sure you could have said it any better, a kitten in a cage with a lion. But I'll tell you what I've learned about lions, they are protective, of all felines from what I understand. :) But they also won't hesitate to keep that kitten in line with a bat of their paw, or pick them up by the scruff of the neck and carry them off to either safety, or let them know to stop doing what they are doing. :)

    Eeep might be right, lol, but I hope that your nerves don't bother you too much. :) He is probably going to push you in areas you didn't think of before, areas that make you uncomfortable and maybe even embarrassed, but remember who he is. He is a man you can trust, and he is doing all this to make you trust him even more. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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    1. I agree that he will push me. It makes me feel a bit nervous to think about it, but I know that he will know where I need to be pushed and made to be uncomfortable in order to become a better person, wife, mother, etc...I do trust him completely and I feel that DD is growing our trust in one another.

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  7. perfect analogy. I'm so glad your back and so very happy for you.

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    1. Thank you! It's good to be back. I missed everyone and look forward to catching up!

      *hugs*
      Rose

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  8. I would be "eeep!" too if my husband just "decided" to take a look at my blog! I'd be thinking, "What's he looking for?" … but alas, I never have to worry about that cuz my husband doesn't even think about it. I have to put the computer right in front of him and say HEY read this! I can definitely imagine the excitement of prospective change after a husband takes initiative and reads what you've been saying though! (tingles up my spine)

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    1. Haha - well Misty - that's how he was. In fact, I'd thrust my blog, other people's blogs, DD articles, spanking articles, and many others into his face numerous times all for him to NOT look at it. So I just kind of gave up and then all of a sudden one day he just decides to sit down and read this. Oh, and he's been keeping up ever since. He's read new posts, comments, etc...He's even clicked around on a few of the blogs in my reading list out of curiosity. I'm kind of nervous he might pick up on some tricks from other HOHs/Doms now! Yikes!

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    2. Edited to add - I don't think it's that he didn't want to look at all of that before. He's just had a lot on his plate, so it felt really special to me when he got some free time and used it to look at what I've really been wanting to share with him all these months because he knew it meant so much to me.

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  9. Oh my goodness, I love your kitten/lion analogy. That pic is so adorable and so perfectly representative of how it feels :)

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  10. I love your analogy!! :)

    HOH reads my blog often and the comments. But I view it as a release for me and a place that I can "talk" openly! :)

    Jane

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